


Love's Recovery

by thebasement_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-07-05
Updated: 2001-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-20 21:35:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11343600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebasement_archivist/pseuds/thebasement_archivist
Summary: After Mulder's rescue in "Amor Fati," Krycek has some things he needs to settle with him.





	Love's Recovery

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

 

Love's Recovery by Frankie

Disclaimer: These characters are the property of 1013 and FOX.   
Rating/Pairing: NC-17, M/K  
Summary: After Mulder's rescue in "Amor Fati," Krycek has some things he needs to settle with him.  
Archive: Yes  
Notes: This is a zine story that I am now free to post to lists. Thanks to Sue and Paula for the beta. Remembering back to season 7 is in order. Remember Mulder being hospitalized, Scully going to Africa, Diana <shudder> Fowley...  
Feedback: Comments and constructive criticism welcome. 

* * *

Love's Recovery  
by Frankie

Alex Krycek was pissed off. No, it wasn't just that. He was pissed off *and* worried, a combination that made him question his judgment as well as his natural tendencies. Usually, when it came to other people, he was cold, calculating, entirely without emotional attachments to anyone but himself. It was an automatic response to his desire for self-preservation at the expense of others and didn't take into account the destruction it could leave in its wake. But things were different now. He couldn't decide if he was angry because he was worried or simply concerned that he might be losing his edge.

"Come on," he said to the empty room. "Call me."

It had been two hours since Mulder's last phone call, a full hour past the time they had agreed he would call back. After an hour and fifteen minutes, Krycek had convinced himself that Mulder had rethought his association with him. When the ninety-minute mark had come and gone, Krycek began to imagine Mulder's contact with him had been discovered and he was now being re-educated about siding with traitors. Now, he was on the verge of going into full panic mode, a dangerous and ill-advised position for him to be in, no matter how justified. Cursing under his breath, he was about to risk going to Mulder's apartment when his cell phone rang. Relief washed over him as he answered it.

"What took you so long?" he asked, attempting to sound detached but failing miserably.

"Krycek, if I didn't know better, I'd think you were worried about me."

"I'm not," Krycek lied, swallowing quickly. "I expected you to contact me an hour ago. What happened?"

"I got a little sidetracked. It seems I'm still as popular as ever."

"Why do you say that?" Alex frowned.

"A couple of well-wishers decided to visit my apartment while I was out. I would have preferred they leave a card instead of the dandy redecorating job they did, but what's a guy to do?"

Krycek would have smiled at the sarcastic tone in Mulder's voice, but he knew that the break-in was a warning. Mulder's recent hospitalization had almost cost him his life, but things would only get worse now that he was making a full recovery.

"When can you get here, Mulder?"

"I'm on my way. Give me ten minutes."

"You'd better be here. I can't wait any longer."

"Really? Then why are you still there?"

"Just get over here." Krycek pressed the 'end' button and put the phone in his pocket. He was unsure about whether this new alliance with Mulder would work, knowing Mulder had little reason to trust him. It was this mistrust that had forced Krycek to promise valuable information if only Mulder would agree to this meeting. Granted, since Mulder had found out that it was him, and not Fowley, who had given Scully the book and the passkey, he had been less hostile towards his former partner, almost civil. Unfortunately, that wasn't enough to guarantee Mulder would see him, thus the deception. Krycek hoped that once Mulder heard him out he'd...what? Forget their history? Hardly. The odds of the two of them ever being more than tolerant acquaintances were slim to none. No, all Krycek wanted, at least for now, was the chance to talk to Mulder. 

He looked at his watch. Five minutes until Mulder would be there. Attempting to shake off the feeling that he was waiting anxiously for a date to show, he began nervously pacing the floor of his hideout. The carpet was already threadbare, and Krycek was sure he'd done nothing to help its condition. Since the time Mulder had been admitted to the hospital, Krycek figured he'd logged about a hundred miles walking around the hovel he called home. Things hadn't gotten any better since Mulder had been out. Saving Mulder's life had been easy, but now... Now Krycek had a more important decision to make. 

The knock on the door made him jump, and he cursed his uncharacteristically frayed nerves.

"It's me." Mulder's voice sounded conspiratorial, and for a second Krycek wondered if he was enjoying the cloak and dagger routine. He looked through the peephole to make sure his guest was alone, not because he didn't trust Mulder, but because some habits died hard. He opened the door.

"Get in here." He did everything but pull Mulder into the dank apartment before quickly surveying the hallway.

Mulder waited until the door was closed to speak.

"What do you have for me?"

"Are you carrying your weapon?" Krycek asked, eyeing the familiar trenchcoat Mulder was wearing.

"What do you think?"

"Would you mind giving it to me?"

"What for? Don't you trust me?"

"I do." Krycek locked eyes with his former nemesis. "I need to know that you trust me."

Mulder started to say something but instead reached inside his jacket and pulled out his 9mm. Hesitating for a split second, he put the gun into Krycek's outstretched hand. He expected to feel immediate apprehension at the act but reasoned that Krycek would not have saved his life only to end it now.

"Thank you," Krycek said softly, putting the gun down on a rickety table leaning precariously against the wall.

"Krycek, you said you had something for me. What is it?" Mulder asked, the slightest hint of impatience coloring his words.

"It's something you have to promise me you'll accept without question."

Mulder raised an eyebrow. His first instinct was to tell Krycek to go to hell then walk out. God alone knew that no one would blame him for turning his back on this man, this traitorous killer who had been the cause of enough grief to last a lifetime. He paused, rethinking his choice of words. If it wasn't for the fact that Krycek had helped Scully, he wouldn't *have* a life anymore, and he definitely wouldn't be standing in this damp, dark hole in the wall about to agree to Krycek's unspoken terms. Whatever Krycek shared with him was usually dead-on, and he grudgingly trusted that this time would be no different. "Okay. What is it?"

"My protection."

The words hung in the air, and Krycek began to feel uneasy, wondering if he'd gone too far, too fast. Of course, because he had saved Mulder from the Syndicate, his presence would be tolerated and not result in a quick, brutal beating. However, that didn't mean Mulder would be willing to entrust the rest of his life to him.

"Mulder?" Krycek hated this feeling of insecurity, the unwelcome vulnerability stripping him of the upper hand he was sure he would have.

"That's it?"

"Yeah."

Mulder started to make a snide comment about being promised something valuable, but bit his tongue, choosing instead to ask the obvious. "What's in it for you?" 

The question was not unexpected, but it still made Krycek wince. 

"I saved your life, Mulder. What did I gain from that?"

"The opportunity to screw over the men who tried to kill you. The men who treat you as a mere lackey when you know you're so much more than that." He smirked. "Am I getting warm?"

Krycek smiled stiffly. "Believe it or not, I wanted you alive because..." He stopped. He'd been about to tell Mulder more than he needed to know at this point, more than he would *want* to know.

"Because what?" 

"You can be of more use to everyone involved if you're still alive." The answer sounded pathetic to his own ears. He could imagine what Mulder was thinking, but the look on the other man's face wasn't revealing anything.

Mulder studied his ex-partner, unsure what to make of him. For the first time in recent memory, Krycek was lacking the infuriating arrogance that seemed to come off him in waves every time they met. This Krycek looked a little more defeated, a little more human than Mulder remembered. 

"Why didn't you let Scully know that you were the one who sent the book?"

"She would have thought it was a trick."

"And the key?"

Krycek looked at Mulder then averted his eyes, glancing quickly to the side. "I hate you. Why would I suddenly want to tell her where to find you?" He caught Mulder's eye again. "Don't you think that's what she would have thought?"

"Yeah...yeah, I guess you're right." 

"Anything else? Or is the interrogation over?"

Mulder sighed and looked at the floor, ignoring the caustic tone which signaled the return of the conceit he thought had been missing in action. He was trying to get up the courage to ask the question to which he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer.

"Did you kill her?"

There was no hesitation, no harried excuse or justification. Only the truth.

"Yes."

"Was it because she worked with him?"

"Among other things, yes." 

"I don't understand. I know she didn't agree with everything he was doing to me. She would have been an ally." 

Krycek shook his head. "No, Mulder. She would have ended up siding with him against you. Her momentary bout of conscience wouldn't have lasted long enough for her to forget which allegiance would serve her better."

"So you killed her? Why not kill the smoking bastard?"

"And sign my own death warrant? I don't think so. It's funny, he's the one who ordered me to kill her."

"But you said-"

"He thought she was a liability because of her seeming loyalty to you. I knew he was wrong when he told me to take care of her, but I didn't tell *him* that." Krycek cocked his head to the side, smiling grimly. 

"Ironic, don't you think?"

Mulder breathed in sharply, his head swimming from everything he was hearing. If he could believe Krycek, Diana had been killed because she was going to side completely with the Cancer Man. In Krycek's eyes, she deserved to die because she would eventually contribute to Mulder's demise. Why Diana, though? There were still others who were in on it, and Krycek hadn't killed them. Besides the personal history he and Diana shared... He halted his thought processes before he started assigning a personal motive to Krycek's actions. No, not just a personal motive, a ridiculous one. The answer was simple. Krycek had killed Diana because he'd been ordered to.

"Did you really love her, Mulder?"

Krycek's question took Mulder by surprise, and he wasn't sure if he'd heard correctly.

"I'm sorry?"

"Did you love her?"

"I don't know."

"You don't *know*?" Krycek laughed harshly, not bothering to disguise his sudden contempt. "Some lover you'd be, Mulder. Your ex is killed, and you don't know if you loved her. I think I'd know how I'd feel about a former lover, one way or the other, if they were dead. Guess she made a hell of an impression on you, huh?

"You know what's sad? She probably loved you more than you knew, and you never noticed. Maybe that's what ended it for the two of you. Maybe that's what prevents you from ever *really* being with someone. You can't see past yourself." Krycek spat the words at Mulder before abruptly turning around and walking to the other side of the room. He closed his eyes, forcing himself to calm down, cursing himself for saying too much. 

Mulder stared at Krycek, wondering where this venom was coming from. One minute he'd been coolly confessing to Diana's murder, the next he was taking issue with the way Mulder did or didn't feel about her. 

"I don't understand. Why do you care?"

Krycek turned his head slightly but made no attempt to look at Mulder. "I...I don't want you using her death against me. I need to make sure you won't wake up one day and think of me as the man who killed someone close to you."

"I already do," Mulder said without missing a beat.

"What?" Krycek turned back around. "What did you say?"

"You killed my father. I don't care how many times you tell me otherwise, I know the truth."

"Mulder-"

"Dammit, Alex!" Mulder didn't the register the shocked expression on Krycek's face at hearing his first name. "For once, admit what you did. Tell me you did it. Tell me the fucking truth for *once* in your miserable life!"

"I..." Krycek's voice cracked. He was scared. Not because of anything Mulder would do to him, but because he knew he was going to tell Mulder exactly what he wanted to hear. "I did it...I killed your father."

Mulder had known it all along, but to finally hear it made him feel sick. He didn't care about how he had been treated as a child and could even forget all the pain he'd had to endure because of the choice his father had made. He was still his father, the man who raised him, who made him strive for excellence in everything he did, who provided him with a model to live up to...the man he loved and idolized and whose approval he sought every day of his life whether he should have or not. Mulder had never had the chance to prove to his father that he was so much more than William Mulder's son. He didn't know if it would have ever happened, but the opportunity would go forever unrealized because of one bullet.

Krycek was disgusted as he watched the display of emotions that crossed Mulder's face. It was disgust with himself for confirming what Mulder had thought all along. It was also disgust with Mulder for mourning a man who didn't deserve a second thought. Perhaps it was easier for Krycek to see the facts because he was an outsider and had never been close to his own father. Whatever it was, he wanted to reach out to Mulder and shake him, tell him to wake the hell up and be glad the bastard was out of his life.

"Why? Why did you kill him?" Mulder's voice was barely a whisper, as if the effort of asking the question was draining him of any remaining energy.

Seeing no point in saying anything Mulder would not believe, Krycek cleared his throat and answered.

"I was ordered to. Your father was a danger to the Syndicate because he was about to share sensitive information with you. I killed him to silence him."

"Orders...just following orders." It wasn't a question, only a mumbled truth.

"That's all it was. No one crosses these men and gets away with it. Not even your father."

"What about you? What about me?"

"That brings us back to why you need to let me protect you. I know how these men work, Mulder, and I can use that to our advantage."

"Krycek, why are you doing this? I can protect myself."

"Can you?"

"I've done it so far, haven't I?"

Krycek narrowed his eyes. "You haven't done it alone. You have no idea how much I've done for you, the risks I've taken, the danger I've placed myself in to make sure no one hurts you." He smiled ruefully, sure that he was fighting a lost cause. "Why should I expect you to think about that? As far as you're concerned, no one else matters."

"That's not true."

"Bullshit!" Krycek's anger took Mulder by surprise. "Look at what Scully's gone through for you, and yet you continue to risk both her life and your own for *your* goals, *your* quest. I don't know why the hell she puts up with it."

"Because she's my *friend*," Mulder said defensively. "She cares about me because she knows I care about her." He sneered at Krycek. "But you wouldn't know anything about that kind of relationship, would you? You want to talk about me only looking out for myself, what about you? You are the definition of selfishness, never thinking about how what you do affects people." Mulder stopped talking when he noticed the way that Krycek was looking at him. His expression was completely neutral, but his eyes were speaking volumes. For the first time, he wasn't hiding behind a cool green glare, and Mulder was afraid to interpret what he saw. 

"Krycek? What's wrong with you?" 

"Mulder, will you come with me?" His voice was soft, almost inaudible.

"Where?"

"To see a friend of mine. I need you to know a few things." He looked down, as vulnerable and defenseless as Mulder had ever seen him. "Please don't say anything about trusting me. If you can't now, you never will." Raising his head, he smiled weakly. "Well?"

"You just confessed to killing my father and my former lover. You keep stressing to me the importance of our meetings remaining secret. Now you want me to go along with you on a field trip to a friend's house?"

"Never mind. You're right. I was an idiot to think you would ever go for this voluntarily." He took Mulder's gun from its precarious perch and pointed it at him. 

Mulder tensed and was about to go for the gun he had tucked in the back of his waistband, when Krycek deftly flipped the gun around so the barrel was pointing at himself. It was the same thing he'd done after his speech about the colonists, Mulder recalled. Then he'd kissed him. He wondered for a fleeting moment if it would happen again.

"Go," Krycek said sadly, hopelessly. "I won't contact you again."

Reaching out to take his gun, Mulder was again struck by how little Krycek resembled the cocky, self-assured bastard he was used to seeing. How his whole persona could change in so little time puzzled him. 

"Okay, Krycek, I'll go with you. But this better not be a-" He stopped. He'd been about to say it better not be a set-up, but deep down he knew it wasn't. "I trust you."

"That wasn't so hard, was it?" Krycek asked, sounding a little more like himself, but still speaking softly. He walked past Mulder and opened the door, relieved that the first step had been taken. If, after meeting his friend, Mulder still had doubts about his sincerity, there was nothing else he could do to change that.

~*~*~*~

Both men were silent as they sat in Krycek's car, driving down back streets to their final destination. Neither of them knew what to say to the other. There were too many things that needed to be brought out into the open but no way to do that without waging a full-scale war. At least, not yet.

Mulder looked at Krycek. He was gripping the steering wheel tightly, as if afraid of what his hand would do if he let go. There was a faint sheen of sweat on his face, and he looked nervous.

"You okay?" 

Krycek looked at Mulder, shocked to hear the concern in his voice.

"No, I'm not. We're being followed."

Mulder looked in the side mirror and noticed a car behind them. "How long has it been back there?"

"Since we left my place."

"But they're not even trying to hide the fact that they're tailing us."

Krycek glanced at the rearview mirror. "That's what's worrying me. The men I'm concerned about aren't this obvious. Either there's someone else interested in our activities or it's a hell of a coincidence."

"Pull in there," Mulder said, pointing at an alley they were approaching.

"Why?"

"Just do it." He drew his gun.

"Mulder, don't be stupid."

"Don't you want to know who this guy is?"

"He might not even be tailing us."

Mulder smiled, for a moment feeling as if they were partners again. "Then we won't have anything to worry about, will we?"

Krycek pursed his lips but deferred to Mulder. There was no need to start a fight over something that was probably a non-issue. He pulled into the alley and stopped the car, turning off the lights but leaving it idling in case they needed to make a quick getaway.

The other car pulled in behind them, and Mulder was out in a flash, gun pointed at the windshield. He couldn't see into the car because its headlights were still on.

"Federal Agent! Out of the car!"

He saw the driver door open but couldn't see who stepped out.

"Mulder, it's me."

Cursing under his breath, Mulder reholstered his gun and walked to his partner.

"Scully, what the hell are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing." She indicated Krycek's car. "Better yet, what are you doing with *him*?"

Mulder looked at the car, praying Krycek wouldn't decide to join them.

"I can't tell you right now. Why were you following us?"

"Mulder, I've been worried about you. Ever since you came out of the hospital, you've been acting so strangely. I decided to keep an eye on you."

Letting out an exasperated groan, Mulder looked at the sky. "Goddammit, doesn't *anyone* think I can take care of myself?"

"What the hell was I supposed to do, Mulder? You told me what time to come by your apartment to give you the case update, but when I pulled up, I saw you running out of your building like the devil himself was chasing you."

"Sometimes things come up, Scully," Mulder said, chastising himself for forgetting about Scully coming over. 

"Of course, but lately the things that 'come up' usually turn out badly, especially where you're concerned." Her tone softened. "I just wanted to give you some back-up in case you needed it."

"So that's your reason for tailing me? You could have just called me."

"I wasn't tailing you, Mulder," she said, sounding slightly offended, "and if I'd called you, would you have told me where you were going?" 

Mulder sighed. "No...but I'm okay, Scully."

"I don't know about that." Ignoring the look on Mulder's face, she continued. "When I saw you come out of that building with Krycek, I had no idea what he was going to do with you." 

"Well, it's obviously nothing sinister or I wouldn't be out here talking with you, would I?"

"I suppose not." She paused and looked at the car again. "Why *does* Krycek have you in his car? Where's he taking you?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know. Mulder, I think you should come with me."

"What about Krycek?" 

"You're right."

She took out her gun and started walking toward the car.

"Scully," Mulder called out, "don't do that."

Scully stopped, looking at Mulder as if she didn't recognize him. "Mulder, what is wrong with you? He's a wanted felon." 

"Right, but if he wanted to get away, he's had ample opportunity while you and I stand here talking." He was unsure why he was defending Krycek, but he'd have time to think about that later.

"Maybe all that proves is that he isn't all that bright." She began making her way to the car again. 

Suddenly, the headlights went on, and it took off, tires squealing.

"Dammit! Mulder, let's go!" Scully ran to get into her car, then noticed Mulder wasn't moving.

Mulder watched the tail lights of Krycek's car disappear. "Let him go, Scully."

"We can still catch him."

He shook his head and walked slowly to the car. "No. Let him go."

"Why? Mulder, he-"

"Scully, he saved my life. He's the one who gave you the key." Deep down Mulder knew it shouldn't have been enough of a reason to let him go, but right now it was sufficient.

"What? But it was Diana Fowley's key. How could he-"

"He just did, okay?" Mulder opened the passenger door. "Can you take me back to my car, please?"

Scully didn't say anything. Mulder had been through a lot recently, and she should expect to see some bizarre behavior as he continued to recover. Still, she couldn't understand what could make him willingly go somewhere with a sworn enemy and, even more odd, why he would allow him to get away.

She got into the car, desperate to ask him the questions she had running through her mind. When she looked at the man sitting next to her, a forlorn expression on his face, she decided the inquiry could wait.

~*~*~*~

Krycek banged his fist on the steering wheel, ignoring the pain that shot through his hand. 

"Fuck! Fucking bitch!"

When he'd seen that Scully had been the one following them, his first thought was that Mulder had set him up. He would have taken off right away, but there was something about the way Mulder interacted with her that stopped him. He couldn't hear what they were saying to each other, but it was obvious that Mulder hadn't expected her to show up. It wasn't until he saw her approach his car, gun drawn, that he took off.

Now he was driving around aimlessly because he knew he couldn't go back to his place. Scully would make sure of that. He had no choice but to go to his original destination until he was sure it was safe to go back.

~*~*~*~

Krycek knocked on the metal door.

"Whaddaya want?" a gruff voice demanded.

"It's me. Open the fucking door, asshole."

The door opened, revealing a tall, slim dark-haired man. His brown eyes were studying Krycek, a look of disdain on his face. 

"Sorry, we don't want any scum here. We've got enough."

"Don't try to charm me," Krycek said, pushing his way inside, forcing the man behind it to back up.

"As usual, it's a pleasure to see you, Krycek." The now smiling face spoke of an easy camaraderie.

"I need a drink, Sanchez."

"When *don't* you need one?"

"Funny." Krycek went into the kitchen and opened a cupboard, taking out a half empty bottle of vodka. He grabbed a glass and walked over to where his friend was still standing. "Want one?"

"No, thanks. What's up?"

"Nothing. Can't I come to visit one of my nearest and dearest friends without something being wrong?" He made his way to the couch and flopped down, the springs creaking in protest.

"Okay, who are you hiding from?"

Krycek poured a drink and swallowed it in one gulp. "Fuck you," he said, wiping his mouth then pouring another shot. He looked around. "Where's the bitch?"

Sanchez laughed. "Bedroom."

"Think she'll mind cheering me up?"

"Does she ever?" 

Sanchez whistled and soon a German shepherd came bounding out of a back bedroom.

"Look, Daria. Look who's here."

The dog wagged her tail excitedly and went to Krycek.

"Hey, girl," he said, tousling her fur, "long time no see." Krycek forgot about how mad he was for the few minutes he played with the friendly animal. One of the things he regretted about his lifestyle was not being able to have a pet. Oh god, he thought, I'm making it sound like my life would be complete if only I had a puppy. He wondered how many people would be shocked to know that he wasn't a totally heartless human being. It wasn't for any sickeningly saccharine sentiment that he liked members of the animal kingdom either. Hell, they were the only things that didn't try to hurt or malign you. If you got bitten by a dog, it was usually because you deserved it.

"Krycek, you gonna tell me what you're doing here?" Sanchez crossed his arms in front of him.

"I need a place to stay for a couple of days." He gave Daria the command to lie down, and she took a place at his feet.

"What's in it for me?"

"An amazing blow job?" Krycek smiled widely.

"You know, if you were 5'8" and a D-cup, I would take you up on that," Sanchez smiled back.

"You don't know what you're missing, Sanchez."

"Maybe not, but I know what *you* need to be missing if you want to get anywhere near my dick."

"Homophobe," Krycek accused, mockingly.

"Queer."

Krycek smirked and tipped the shot of vodka into his mouth, pouring another before he'd even swallowed. Letting out a slow breath, he leaned back and closed his eyes.

"I was going to bring him here."

"You were? Why?"

"To show him why he needs to trust me."

Sanchez took a seat next to Krycek.

"Why would you bring him here to do that?"

"Well," Krycek smiled sheepishly, "I thought that you could sit him down and tell him-"

"Damn, Krycek. You think you're still in junior high or something? Either the guy trusts you or he doesn't. There's nothing I can tell him that'll change that. What the hell were you thinking, man?"

Krycek nodded and downed the last shot, setting his glass carefully on the table in front of him. He regarded the last of the liquor in the bottle and drank it quickly, grimacing as it burned its way down his throat and into his nearly empty stomach. Finally, he was feeling fine, relaxed, and agreeable enough not to take issue with what his friend was telling him. 

"You're right. Stupid plan on my part." He put an arm around Sanchez's shoulders, needing contact but knowing that he wouldn't find what he was looking for here. As always, Sanchez patiently moved out of Krycek's embrace and went to get him a pillow and some blankets.

When he got back, Krycek was already snoring softly, looking as harmless as any other man when he finally succumbs to much-needed sleep. Shaking his head, he covered Krycek with a blanket. He was the guy's friend, but he swore Krycek was the stupidest man on the planet sometimes.

~*~*~*~

Mulder sat in his car outside Krycek's apartment. When Scully had dropped him off, she had wanted to follow Mulder home, but he had told her that he wasn't going there right away. When she asked what he was going to do, he shut her down by implying a trip to the adult movie theater would be on the agenda. She had made an unintelligible comment and said she'd see him at work.

Now Mulder was waiting for Krycek. Deep down he knew the odds were slim that he'd see him tonight, but he couldn't go home. Krycek had seemed too different, almost desperate in his desire to be trusted. Mulder knew sleep would elude him until he could find out who Krycek had wanted him to meet. As it was, he would probably be here all night, so he would never get to sleep anyway. He turned on the radio and settled in for a night of watching and waiting.

~*~*~*~

// Mulder is dreaming. He knows it's a dream because of the ethereal quality to his surroundings, the way he seems to be floating even as he stands still. Yes, this is a dream, but it feels real. He is in an alley and can smell the dampness in the air, feel the biting chill in his bones.

Krycek appears, walking slowly toward him with his trademark swagger intact. He has a smug look on his face, his lips curling up into a sardonic grin as he looks Mulder up and down.

"We have to stop meeting like this." His mouth doesn't move, but Mulder can still hear him.

"You want something from me." The words slip from Mulder's mind and seem to visibly trail their way to Krycek.

"I do."

"What is it?"

Krycek places his hand over his heart, his face somber. "I want it back."

Mulder shakes his head. "I don't understand..."

"Watch this."

Suddenly, Mulder sees the cigarette smoking man walk up behind Krycek and put a knife to his throat. With barely any movement, he slices through the skin, and soon the front of Krycek's T-shirt is soaked in blood. Mulder watches, amazed, as Krycek begins walking toward him again, a smile once again on his face.

"They can't touch me, Mulder." Air bubbles cause the blood in his throat to gurgle and spit as he breathes in spite of his injury. "They can't hurt me." He places a knife in Mulder's hand and presses the tip of the blade against his own stomach. "But you can." He pulls Mulder forward, plunging the knife into his gut.

Horrified, Mulder tries to pull away, but Krycek maintains a vise-like grip on his hand. 

"Finish it, Mulder." Krycek's eyes flash, angry green and hypnotic. In spite of himself, Mulder thrusts the knife in harder and slices upwards, cutting Krycek open, watching with sick fascination as he crumples lifelessly to the ground.

"Alex..." he whispers, the bloody knife gleaming in his hand, "Alex...Alex!" //

He woke with a start, trembling and disoriented. There was a face gazing at him through the open driver's side window, and it took a moment to register it as that of his partner. She knocked on the glass, and he rolled down the window 

"Mulder, are you okay?"

"I'm...yeah, I'm okay." He squinted and wiped at his bleary eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"I was just about to ask you the same thing. If you wanted to stake out his apartment, you should have called for relief."

Mulder shook his head, trying to clear the cobwebs that had gathered and gain some sense of lucidity. It wasn't until he looked out through the windshield that he registered the chaotic comings and goings of various agents and city police.

"What's going on?"

Scully sighed. "I told AD Skinner that we had a fix on Krycek's last known residence. He authorized a full search of the premises."

Stifling his urge to protest his partner's actions, Mulder instead nodded his head, attempting to look as neutral as possible. Scully would never know how upset he was with her, and he couldn't think of any rational way to explain why he would be angered at what she'd done. Maybe it was because she'd talked to the AD without him. Or maybe it was because he wanted to somehow protect Krycek.

He thought back to his dream, so strange in the harsh yet sane light of day, and instantly experienced the horror he'd felt at stabbing - *gutting* -Krycek. He'd never felt so panicked, so utterly devastated at something he'd done. He'd have to say he had felt a tremendous loss at seeing Krycek die before his eyes. As a psychiatrist, he would try to dismiss it as symbolizing the loss of a major part of his life, perhaps even his quest for the truth, but as a man... If he took the sense of loss literally, he would have to accept the fact that he felt more than animosity towards Krycek. Sure, he had killed him in his dream, but it had been against his will and as a way for Krycek to prove that Mulder was the only one who could hurt him. Mulder stopped. He tried to tell himself he was reading far too much into it, because unless he wanted to dredge up past emotions...

"Mulder? Hello?" Scully tapped him on the shoulder, jarring him back from his speculations.

"Have they found anything?" 

"Not yet. So far it looks like he had only set up a temporary residence." She leaned into the car. 

"Mulder, did he mention anything at all about where he was taking you last night?"

Mulder shook his head. Even if Krycek had told him where they were going, he wouldn't tell Scully. He needed to see Krycek and confront him alone before he'd let anyone else find him. No, he thought, confront was the wrong word. What he wanted to do was meet Krycek and get to the bottom of all of this, the need for his trust, the real reason behind saving his life. Mulder would find a way to track him down. He had to.

~*~*~*~

"Wake up, Krycek." Sanchez kicked the leg of the couch. "Come on, let's go. This isn't a hotel. If you want to eat, now's the time."

"Fuck you," Krycek growled before turning over and going back to sleep.

Yanking the pillow from under Krycek's head, Sanchez grimaced when he heard the unmistakable thud of a forehead hitting the hard arm of the couch.

"Dammit! What the hell is wrong with you?" Krycek yelled, rubbing his head as he sat up awkwardly.

"We need to talk."

Throwing an impatient look at his friend, Krycek stood up. "You said breakfast was ready. I'm starving."

"You can eat in a minute." Sanchez ignored the glare. "I drove by your place this morning. There are cops crawling all over it."

Krycek shrugged. "I expected that. It was probably Scully."

"Who?"

"That's his partner. She and I don't get along."

"Oh. So what are you going to do now?"

"What do I always do? I'll find someplace else to go, lay low for a while and then contact Mulder again." Krycek started for the kitchen but stopped when Sanchez took hold of his arm.

"Krycek, why don't you just get out of town? Forget this guy and move on."

Shaking his head, Krycek swallowed hard, staring at the floor. 

"Come on, man. Who the hell is this guy to you? From what you've told me, he doesn't think all that much of you, and you have no reason to stick around."

Krycek looked up quickly. "That's not true. My work is here. And I know that if we'd made it here last night, he would have-"

Sanchez smirked. "I never thought I'd see the day when you'd be so fucking stupid."

"Watch it, man. You *don't* want to piss me off right now."

"Is that supposed to scare me? If you do get pissed off, it's only because you know I'm right. It's safer for you to get out of here, which means the only thing keeping you around is some guy who doesn't want you. Like I said: fucking stupid." He sneered at Krycek before going into the kitchen.

Krycek sat down, his fist clenching and unclenching as his friend's words echoed in his head. He was right. Krycek knew he was acting like an idiot. What the hell was he thinking? Oh sure, all Mulder had to do was listen to some stranger tell him everything Krycek had done to help him, and suddenly he'd come running, declaring his undying love. 

"Fuck!" Krycek stood up and stormed into the kitchen. "I need some money. Now."

Sanchez put a plate of scrambled eggs on the kitchen table. "Eat first. How much do you need?"

"Whatever you can spare. You know I'm good for it."

"You taking my advice?"

Krycek sat down and started forking the eggs into his mouth. He nodded and kept eating.

~*~*~*~

"Mulder, look at this." Scully handed Mulder a piece of paper. They were in Krycek's apartment, the team of investigators still tearing the place apart.

Mulder studied the scrap of paper. It had a series of numbers written on it but nothing that explained what they were.

"It could be anything, Scully."

"Obviously, but does it mean anything to you?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

Mulder paused before replying. "If it did, I'd tell you, wouldn't I?" He handed the paper back to Scully, who in turn gave it to an officer to place in a plastic bag.

"Mulder, I don't understand why you're being so belligerent about this. Krycek is a wanted man. We have a duty to bring him into custody."

"He saved my life, Scully. He didn't have to, but he did."

Scully sighed. "You told me that already, but we don't have any proof, Mulder. It was Diana Fowley's key that allowed me access to where they were keeping you. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have been able to get you out of there. You do remember that part, don't you?"

Mulder looked at his partner and thought he saw a hint of sadness in her eyes. He wondered if she was upset that he was seemingly dismissing her part in his rescue.

"Scully, I didn't mean to imply that you-"

"Mulder, I don't want your gratitude. I know you would have done the same for me. I just don't want you to be so easily swayed by a man who has done nothing but deceive and hurt you." She lowered her voice. "Are you going to tell me why you were meeting him?"

"He wanted to protect me."

"What? Why?"

Mulder put his hand on Scully's back and guided her to a corner of the apartment where they'd have a little more privacy.

"I don't know. He said that I was still in danger, and he wanted to protect me. He made it sound like it was for the greater good, but I'm not so sure."

"You're losing me, Mulder."

Mulder impatiently raked his hand through his hair. He felt ridiculous for what he was about to say.

"I think he may have more personal reasons for wanting to help me."

"Of course, he does. He's trying to save his own skin."

"No, I mean he may have certain feelings...for me."

The puzzled look on Scully's face was soon replaced by incredulity, but she didn't say anything. Mulder shifted his weight nervously as he waited uneasily to hear his partner's reaction. Finally, she spoke.

"You're serious, aren't you? May I ask why you've come to this conclusion?"

Mulder recognized the expression on Scully's face. He'd seen it every time Scully patronized him by listening to one of his theories. The last thing he wanted to do now was defend his position, especially since he didn't know for sure if he was right or if it was just wishful thinking. His thoughts came to a screeching halt at that last notion. Why the hell would it be wishful thinking? Because, he thought to himself, you've been attracted to the little fuck since you first laid eyes on him. 

"Mulder? Talk to me."

"I can't explain it, Scully. You should have seen him last night. He was...different. It was like he really cared what I thought about him, like it was important that I trust him."

"The same way you trusted him when the two of you were partners?" Scully noted the hurt look on Mulder's face but continued. "Mulder, I think he's obviously setting you up for another fall. I don't know what he gains from it, but I do know that you can't let him hurt you like that again."

"You weren't there, Scully. If you'd seen him, you wouldn't be saying that."

"Mulder, are you listening to yourself? Think about who we're dealing with here. Where the hell is your objectivity?"

Mulder bit his lip to stop himself from saying something he'd regret later. "Maybe I don't have any when it comes to him, the same way I don't have any when it comes to you. Why don't you question that?"

He knew he'd said something regrettable anyway when he saw the look of shock on her face. "Scully, I-"

"I can't believe you're comparing our partnership, our friendship, with what you have with that son of a bitch. What aren't you telling me?"

Mulder avoided her scrutinizing glare and turned away from her. "Nothing, Scully. There's nothing I'm not telling you." He stole a look at her before heading for the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Call me if anything else turns up."

Scully started after him when a police officer stopped her to hand her something they'd found. She exhaled angrily before looking at what the officer was showing her.

"Where did you find this?"

"A hidden panel in the hall closet. You want me to send it to the lab?"

"No, I'll take it."

She looked at it again. 

"How the hell did you get this, Krycek?" she whispered as she slipped it inside her coat and headed out to her car.

~*~*~*~

Krycek looked out the bus window, watching the city go by in a mad blur of traffic and people. He wasn't exactly sure where he was heading, but he hadn't wanted to take his car because it would have been too easy for the wrong people to find him. Procuring another vehicle would not have been difficult for him, but for some odd reason he did not want to do that either. He was content with the nomadic anonymity of the smoke-spewing behemoth on which he found himself. Here he would be able to blend in and get lost in a crowd of fellow travelers.

He casually observed his surroundings, noting the plain, tired faces all around him. No one would think to look for him here among these unremarkable strangers. Not even the one person he reluctantly hoped would look for him. As his thoughts turned to Mulder, he tried again to convince himself that he was taking the most rational course possible. Sanchez had been right, and Krycek knew that no matter what he did for Mulder, he would never reap the benefits of his actions. He'd spent all this time fighting a personal cause that would have no satisfactory conclusion. Coming to this realization had been the first thing he'd done that made any sense. The second was deciding to get as far away from Mulder as he could. All of the garbage with Mulder had done nothing but feed into his delusion and turn him into something he didn't like or recognize. Never before had he let someone in like this or wanted to put another person before himself. Doing that usually meant the difference between survival and sacrifice, the second of which he wasn't willing to make. Not anymore.

~*~*~*~

Mulder walked quickly down the halls of the Hoover, ignoring the strange looks he was getting. He was still in the suit he'd been wearing the day before and looked rumpled and untidy as he made his way to AD Skinner's office. 

"Agent Mulder..." Skinner's secretary said hesitantly, taking in his appearance before continuing. "The assistant director has been waiting for you."

"Good." He walked into Skinner's office without waiting to be announced.

"Agent Mulder, I've been trying to get in touch with you."

"Why didn't you call me?" Mulder asked, taking a seat.

"I did. Your phone must be off."

Mulder frowned and pulled his cell phone out of his jacket pocket. It was off. He couldn't remember when he'd done that, but it must have been after he'd called Krycek last night. Turning it back on and putting it away, he turned his attention back to his supervisor.

"You wanted to see me, sir?"

Skinner sat back and regarded his agent. "I understand you and Agent Scully had an opportunity to apprehend Alex Krycek last night."

"Sir?"

"Agent Scully spoke to me this morning and informed me of what happened. I would like to know why you were meeting with him and why you insisted on letting him go."

Mulder bit his lip and shifted in his chair. He couldn't believe that Scully had told Skinner everything about the previous night, but he supposed it should have been expected. She had no reason to be selective with the facts she told him.

"Sir, I believe that Alex Krycek can be of more use to us if he is a free man. He still has contact with-"

"Agent Mulder," Skinner stood up and walked around his desk, sitting on the edge of it. "Did Krycek tell you anything about the men he is currently working with? Anything at all?"

Mulder shook his head. "No, sir. He did inform me of his part in my release."

"His what? What exactly did he say?"

"He was the one who gave Scully the key to the facility where I was being held."

Skinner narrowed his eyes, choosing his words carefully. "Did he mention why he helped you? Or anything about the artifacts that were found in Africa?"

"No, sir."

Skinner exhaled slowly and looked down at his hands. "Agent Mulder, did he mention anything about me?"

The question was not unexpected as Mulder's recent state had made him aware of the events that had taken place between Skinner and Krycek.

"No, sir."

Skinner nodded. "Thank you, Agent. You're dismissed."

"Actually, I needed to talk to you about this situation, sir."

Skinner quirked an eyebrow in an unspoken question.

"I think we should call off the search of Krycek's apartment as well as seeking his whereabouts."

"I see. And why is that?"

"I have reason to believe that he may be ready to cooperate with us."

"And, as you know, I have reason to believe that cooperation is the last thing on his mind." He picked up some papers on his desk and began reading them. "You may go." End of discussion.

Seeing that he would get nowhere with the supervisory agent, Mulder left the office and went downstairs to the basement.

Picking up the phone to dial Krycek's number, he stopped, deciding that calling from work would be the best way to ensure the Bureau's finding Krycek.

He replaced the handset and jumped when it rang.

"Mulder."

"Mulder, it's me. We found something I think you should know about."

"What is it, Scully?"

"It's a file containing all the information about your recent hospitalization. Everything is in here, Mulder, including the best course of treatment and the plans for the procedure you were scheduled to undergo."

"Why would he have that?"

"I don't know," she sighed, "but it also contains plans to track you and eventually finish what was started."

Mulder stopped breathing for a moment as her words sank in. That's why Krycek had wanted to protect him. The men he worked for weren't going to let him go so easily, and Krycek had proof of that. This meant two things. The first was that as soon as it had been discovered Krycek had taken the file, his employers would be after him. The second was that maybe Krycek could be trusted. Mulder had to find him.

~*~*~*~

Krycek was growing restless. In his rush to get out of town, he'd forgotten about what had been left behind. There was no way he could go back for it now, but it didn't really matter anymore. He knew it was just a matter of time before the men he worked for found out that he had sabotaged their latest plan of action, and he would never be able to continue with his own plans to thwart their work. For now, he'd have to lay low until he was sure he could get back on track. 

All the work he'd done trying to convince himself that it was best to leave all thoughts of Mulder in DC had flown out the window with every passing hour. The logical side of him had finally kicked in again, reminding him of everything he'd done, everything he'd sacrificed in order to get to this point. He wanted desperately to contact Mulder but knew that it would be dangerous. Something told him that Mulder would not join the manhunt that was no doubt underway, but that didn't mean he could tell him where he was. Maybe later once the trail had cooled.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the small, black palm pilot, glad that it hadn't been left behind and fallen into the wrong hands. That and his gun were the two things he liked to make sure he was never without. As his fingers trailed over the smooth surface, he considered returning to DC and using it to ensure his freedom. He had no doubt that he and Skinner could come to some sort of arrangement. If only he could be as sure about Mulder...

"Stop it." 

Krycek was distracted by the voice of the woman sitting behind him. He'd spent the trip listening to her whine about her ex-husband to the man sitting next to her and had heard him trying to pick her up. At one point he'd turned around and seen that she wasn't anything special, but perhaps some people would find her attractive. 

"I asked you to stop that." This time the voice was firmer and a little scared.

"Come on, it's a long ride," was the clever reply from the idiot sitting next to her.

"Let me out. I want to switch seats."

Krycek rolled his eyes and looked at the empty seat next to him. He hoped she wouldn't want to sit next to him. He wasn't in the mood to hear her life story, and he silently willed her to choose one of the other vacant seats.

"No, I think I like you sitting next to me."

Krycek's ears perked up at this. He might be viewed by some as an uncaring asshole, but the only people he liked to see hassled were the ones who deserved it. If necessary, he would step in.

"Please, let me move to another seat." The woman's voice was quiet, as if she were attempting to placate the man without drawing attention to herself.

"I said no."

Krycek turned around in his seat and smiled genially at the couple.

"Why don't you let the lady move wherever she'd like to?"

The man sneered at him. "And why don't you mind your own fucking business?"

"I think it is my business when a moron like you decides to act like an asshole." The smile didn't leave Krycek's face.

"What the hell did you say to me?" 

"Why don't you come sit next to me, and I'll repeat it for you."

The man moved out of his seat and stood up in the aisle. Krycek looked up at him, the smile gone. This guy would be no trouble if he tried anything.

"You need to learn to keep your mouth shut," the man said, leaning over the empty seat.

Krycek's eyes never wavered as he reached a hand out to grab him around the throat. He started squeezing slowly, gradually cutting off the air supply, and watched with smug satisfaction as the stranger's face began to turn a deep shade of red.

"I really don't like it when fucks like you think you can treat other people any way you want." Krycek dug his fingers into the man's neck, making him claw at the punishing grip around his throat in a vain attempt to get the air he so desperately needed. By now the people sitting around them were watching with morbid fascination as Krycek gave one last brutal squeeze before shoving the man backwards, sending him sprawling onto the lap of the startled woman sitting across the aisle.

Krycek stood up and grabbed the man's shirt, yanking him to his feet. 

"Are you going to bother that woman anymore?" He watched as the man's frightened eyes jerked from side to side, anything to avoid looking directly at him.

"No...no, I'll leave her alone."

Letting go and smoothing down the wrinkles on the front of the guy's shirt, Krycek smiled. 

"I thought so." He returned to his seat and continued smiling at the people around him. The man walked unsteadily to an empty seat in the back of the bus and sat down, rubbing the bruises that were rapidly forming on his throat. 

The woman sitting behind Krycek tapped him on the shoulder, and he turned around.

"Thank you," she said, softly.

"Don't thank me. I was just trying to get some peace and quiet." He turned back around before she could respond.

The bus rumbled on, the driver oblivious to the events that had just taken place.

~*~*~*~

Scully walked into the office she and Mulder shared and found a familiar sight. Her partner was reclined in his chair, throwing pencils at the ceiling and looking as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders.

"Mulder."

Her voice startled him, and he sat up quickly.

"Scully. Is the team finished?"

"If not, they should be soon. I left them there as soon as I was given this." She tossed the file onto his desk and sat down.

Mulder glanced at the manila folder then commenced tossing pencils at the ceiling. 

"Aren't you going to look at it?"

"You told me what was in it, didn't you?"

Scully frowned. "Are you okay?"

Mulder nodded but didn't look at her. "I spoke with AD Skinner earlier."

"And?"

"He said that you told him everything that happened last night."

Scully leaned forward in her chair. "Of course I did. Is that a problem?"

"No," Mulder shook his head and sat up again. "Not at all. I think you're right. We need to find Krycek and bring him in." 

"Oh," Scully said, feeling relieved and a little surprised. "Good. Well, we have officers watching the airports, bus and train stations, and we've sent out an APB. He won't get too far."

Nervously biting his lip, Mulder nodded. If the only way to get Krycek back was to have him arrested, then so be it. At least he'd be in their custody and, presumably, safe.

Scully regarded her partner, unable to read his face, but knowing that his mind was racing. Wishing she knew what he was thinking was pointless since it was obvious that he wasn't going to share. She was about to ask what else the AD had to say when her phone rang.

"Scully." She listened intently then looked at Mulder. "Okay. Thank you."

"Who was it?"

"Krycek was seen getting on a bus downtown. It's currently about four hours outside the city and is being held until we can get there." She stood up. "Looks like we've got him, Mulder."

Mulder suppressed a smile. "Great." He grabbed his jacket. "Let's go."

~*~*~*~

"You've got to let me off this bus." Krycek was trying to remain calm as he spoke to the driver, but he was this close to punching the guy and making a break for it.

"Sorry. I've been ordered by the police to sit tight and not let anyone off." Krycek sneered angrily and turned around quickly, punching the nearest seat. The minute the bus had made an unscheduled stop, he knew that he'd been found out. Looking outside and seeing the local PD had only confirmed his suspicions. Cursing himself for not listening to his instincts and getting off the bus when he'd had the chance, he returned to his seat. Maybe this was just a coincidence. He didn't believe it for a second, but he had to calm down enough to think rationally. If he was taken into custody, he knew he would have to escape as quickly as possible.

"Dammit," he whispered to himself. There was a small part of him that wanted to surrender, to make it easier for the many people looking for him to finally get their man. His luck had run out, and now he had to face the music. He nodded as he convinced himself that it had always been a matter of time before he was caught, but he knew it was bullshit. He had never really wanted to get away from Mulder, not when he had so much invested in protecting him, and knew that he would eventually be found if he did something as stupid as hopping on a bus out of town. There was no way he would have lived this long if he'd always been that careless. No, he had to face facts and admit that he was thrilled to be caught. It meant that he'd have to see Mulder again. The only problem would stem from him having to actually go to prison. Unless...

Taking out his palm pilot, he decided that when he was taken back to DC, he would make sure he was let go. Then he thought about Mulder again and started musing about perhaps having a real future with him. That thought flew in the face of everything he'd been working for up to this point, but he couldn't shake the unfamiliar emotions he was feeling. Having never cared for anyone but himself, Krycek was again disturbed by the need to have someone else in his life. He wished the voices in his head would shut up and let him think rationally for a minute. There were two choices. Get back to DC and force Skinner to see to it that he was freed no matter what, or be content to see Mulder one more time before being locked up. 

Everyone looked up when two police officers boarded the bus. One of them spoke briefly with the driver while the other studied a piece of paper. He looked at each passenger until he got to Krycek. Turning around to whisper something in his partner's ear, he turned back to face the passengers.

"We would like to apologize for any inconvenience, ladies and gentlemen," he said, smiling congenially, "but you will be going on your way shortly." With that, he reached behind him and pulled out a pair of handcuffs. Krycek closed his eyes and took a deep breath. This wasn't the end of the world. 

They reached Krycek's seat, and he swore he heard a snicker from the back of the bus where the asshole he'd reprimanded earlier was sitting. He ignored it.

"Sir," one of the officers said, "would you mind standing up, please?"

Krycek nodded and stood. He let them turn him around, felt one of them patting him down for any concealed weapons, and mentally checked off each item as it was found and taken from him. The woman sitting behind him looked as if she was in shock. Krycek smiled at her and was sure she was going to burst into tears. He was constantly amazed at the sensitivity of some people and couldn't help pitying her for being such an idiot. No one deserved any sympathy, especially him.

The search complete, Krycek's hands were placed behind his back. He sensed the officer pause before closing the cuffs around his wrists. Krycek knew he was probably wondering about the lifeless left hand, wondering whether or not their prisoner would be able to use it to his advantage and escape.

"Don't worry," Krycek said quietly as they turned him around. "I'm not planning on going anywhere."

The officer who had frisked him and was holding the weapons they'd found looked decidedly puzzled but didn't say anything in response.

Without word or incident, Krycek was led off the bus; all he could think about was how soon he'd be seeing Mulder. 

~*~*~*~

Mulder was chewing on a sunflower seed, his eyes glued to the freeway as he and Scully drove to pick up Krycek. He had spoken barely two words to his partner but couldn't be concerned with what she might be thinking. If she was wondering about his silence, she hadn't said anything. Mulder reasoned that she and he were both thinking about the man they would soon be seeing but doubted those thoughts were similar. He tossed the empty shell out of the window and popped another seed into his mouth.

"Mulder," Scully said, finally, "may I ask what changed your mind?"

"About what?"

"You were vehement about not pursuing Krycek, yet you seem so eager to bring him in now."

Spitting the shell out the window, Mulder thought about how best to address Scully's question.

"I have to ask him about a few things."

"About what you and I were discussing earlier?"

Mulder glanced at her. "What was that?"

"Your theory about his motivation for wanting to see you."

"Oh, that." Mulder swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. "I think you can chalk that up to lack of sleep, Scully." He looked at her again to see if she believed him. Her expression was no different than it usually looked during moments like these, giving nothing away.

"Well," she said, shifting slightly in her seat, "I was wondering if you'd lost your mind." She smiled and Mulder forced himself to follow suit.

"That has been known to happen."

There was now an awkward silence, the first Mulder could remember in a long time. It was as if the two of them knew that something had changed between them but didn't know quite what it was. Mulder knew even if Scully didn't. After tonight, the common enemy they'd shared would be forever changed in their eyes. Mulder couldn't explain why he knew what was going to happen, but in his mind it seemed inevitable. Tonight he would force Krycek to tell him the truth...about everything. If that truth was what Mulder was contemplating, there was no way Scully would be able to process it right away. Not only would it change the way she saw Krycek, it would change the way she saw her partner.

They pulled off the freeway, and Mulder's stomach clenched as they drew closer to their destination. It was an uncomfortable combination of excitement and apprehension, and Mulder's hands gripped the steering wheel more tightly. If Scully noticed the change in him, she didn't comment.

As they made their way through the small town to police headquarters, neither said anything. Mulder wasn't sure if he'd be able to make small talk at this point anyway and was grateful that Scully didn't ask him any questions. He was having a hard enough time dealing with these foreign thoughts; he knew there was no way Scully would either try or want to understand them.

"I think that's the station, Mulder," Scully said, pointing to a nondescript brick building.

Mulder pulled into the small parking lot and turned off the engine.

"Will we question him here or just take him back?" Scully asked.

"I think we should get him back to DC."

"Okay. Let's do this."

~*~*~*~

Krycek was sitting in a dimly lit cell, his mind filled with conflicting thoughts of escape and resignation. It was beginning to drive him crazy, his instinct for survival and his desire to finally rest and put the running behind him canceling each other out. Maybe Mulder would...he stopped the thought dead in its tracks. He did not want to pin any hopes of freedom on Mulder. Not only was it unfair to the other man, but it was unfair to himself. Just because he was harboring an unrealized desire for Mulder did not mean that the feelings would be returned in kind; just the opposite if Mulder's past actions could be any indication. When Krycek thought back over their history, of the anger and pain that had been directed toward him, he wondered if Mulder had ever asked himself why the man he beat never fought back. Had he ever questioned the motives behind the sharing of information? Probably not, and it was for these reasons that Krycek could not allow himself to put any faith in Mulder coming through for him. He tried to quash the disappointment that rose within him at the thought but found it a useless endeavor.

The bang of the outer doors being opened alerted Krycek to the fact that he had visitors. His heart started beating faster as he anticipated seeing Mulder.

"Your ride's here," the officer said to him. Krycek sat up a little straighter, reminding himself to breathe.

When he saw Scully walk in alone, he slumped again and sighed heavily. That told him all he needed to know. Despite the sting of disappointment, Krycek forced himself to smile and stood up.

"Scully, what's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?"

She ignored him and stood aside as the officer opened the door to Krycek's cell. Reaching behind her, she pulled out a pair of handcuffs and walked toward him. He started to make a smartass comment about her kinky sexual practices but stopped and simply put his arms out in front of him. There was no need to antagonize her.

Avoiding his stare, she fastened the cuffs and turned to the officer.

"My partner should be finished with the paperwork, but would you mind checking?"

Krycek looked quickly in the direction of the exit. Mulder *was* here. Scully noticed his reaction and flashed him a curious look.

"Will you be okay here?" the officer asked, looking from Krycek to Scully.

"We should be fine. Thank you." Scully's words dripped with both confidence and hostility, and Krycek wondered why she wanted to be alone with him.

The officer nodded, and they both watched him walk out. Again biting back a suggestive comment, Krycek waited for Scully to speak.

"What's your game, Krycek?" she asked, crossing her arms in front of her.

"I don't know what you mean."

"All of this secrecy. The file you have on Mulder." She fixed him with a severe look. "Whatever else you might be planning."

Krycek frowned. "I would think that you'd be happy to know I'm on your side, Scully."

"What?" Scully asked, obvious disbelief in her voice.

"Believe it or not, we both want what's best for Mulder."

"Somehow I doubt that very much."

His eyes turned dark, returning the steely glare. "Do you think you've cornered the market on wanting to protect him?"

"No," she said coolly, "but I don't think anyone would have reason to question *my* motives. Yours are another matter completely."

"And what motives would those be, Agent Scully?"

"I'm not sure. But if they include hurting-"

"Did the party start without me?" Mulder walked in, unnoticed by either Krycek or Scully. Both of them looked at him guiltily. "Is everything okay in here?" he asked.

"Scully and I were just catching up on old times, Mulder," Krycek said, smiling. "Turns out we don't have any."

Scully looked at Krycek, not attempting to hide her disgust, then turned back to Mulder.

"Are we ready to go?"

"Yeah. You okay, Scully?" The concern in Mulder's voice turned Krycek's stomach, but he remained impassive.

She nodded and took Krycek's arm. He followed her lead, wanting to show Mulder that he was going peacefully. If the other man noticed or even cared, he didn't show it.

Krycek stopped. "Mulder, did they give you my stuff?"

"Yeah, Krycek, your arsenal is safe. And your little black book is intact, too."

"What are you...oh. Thanks."

"Don't expect to get them back anytime soon, though," Scully chimed in.

"No, of course not," Krycek said, allowing himself to again be led out of his cell.

When they reached the car, Scully opened the back door and told Krycek to get in.

"Can I sit in the front?" he asked.

Scully smirked and looked at Mulder. "He's kidding, right?"

Mulder shrugged. "I don't know. Krycek, are you kidding?"

Krycek shook his head. "I get car sick if I sit in the back."

Scully rolled her eyes. "Right. Tell you what, if you start to feel sick, tell us and we'll pull over." She forced him into the car, buckled his seat belt and closed the door. "Can you believe him?" she asked Mulder, opening her door and getting in.

"Even bad guys aren't invincible, I guess." Mulder got into the car, biting his cheek to stop himself from smiling. 

Krycek looked at the two agents and sighed, settling in for the trip back to DC. He was still thinking about what Scully had said to him. Why the hell did she have to act as if she were the only person in the world who cared about Mulder? Her arrogance pissed him off even as it intrigued him. He could usually respect that kind of loyalty but only found hers to be an obstacle, preventing him from settling whatever it was he and Mulder had. Mulder didn't know it, but he had his very own guard dog in the form of Dana Katherine Scully. He smiled at the image that provoked and chuckled softly.

"What's so funny, Krycek?" Scully asked.

"Just thinking about a joke I heard."

"Does getting caught usually make you think of jokes?" 

"Only when the people catching me are a couple of..." Krycek stopped. He was having a hard time keeping his temper in check but knew he had to if he wanted to clear things up with Mulder.

Scully turned back around, and no one said anything for the next hour.

The tension in the car was palpable. Krycek couldn't see Scully's face, but he was sure her expression would be sour. He could only see the side of Mulder's face, and when he wasn't gazing longingly at him, he was noticing that Mulder seemed tense, as if he was expecting a fight to break out at any moment. Krycek was a little surprised that Mulder and Scully weren't speaking. It was probably because he was there, but he had expected them to carry on a conversation as if he didn't exist. At least, that's what he would have done if he was in their place. 

Finally, he decided to break the uncomfortable silence.

"What's wrong? How come the dynamic duo isn't talking?"

Mulder smiled weakly and glanced at Scully. "It's been a long day."

"It's not that late. What, did you pull an all-nighter?" Krycek asked.

"Well, Mulder did," Scully muttered. Mulder flashed her a warning look.

"Oh really? Burning the candle at both ends, huh, Mulder?"

"Not exactly," Mulder replied, his tone curt.

"If you must know, he was staking out your apartment." Scully cast a disapproving look Mulder's way. 

"It would have been nice if he'd told me what he was doing."

Krycek was a little taken aback. He hadn't thought that Mulder would have gone back to his place to wait for him. But Scully was making it sound as if he was there to apprehend him, so maybe it didn't mean anything after all.

"Well, sorry to have disappointed you, Mulder. If I'd known you were waiting for me, I would have rushed back." He hoped he sounded sarcastic, although he doubted Mulder would take it any other way.

"I'm sure Mulder would have appreciated it." Both men looked at Scully in surprise.

"Why do you say that?" Mulder asked, not quite sure where she was going with the statement.

"You were obviously meeting him for a reason. If he'd gone home, you would have been able to finish whatever business you had with him."

"I told you about that already, Scully. And what makes you think I didn't want to bring him in?"

"You told me part of it, yes. You also told me to let him go when you and I were in that alley. I have no doubt that bringing him in was the last thing on your mind."

"Now what is *that* supposed to mean?" Mulder asked, an edge to his voice.

Krycek felt as if he was watching a tennis match as the two agents bickered. He wanted Scully to answer the question, too. Based on what he was hearing, maybe he'd have a chance with...

"How long have you been meeting with him? What caused this sudden turnaround, Mulder?" Scully's voice was accusatory, and Krycek sat up. This was getting interesting. Did Scully suspect that something was going on between the two of them?

"I told you about his part in my rescue. Not to mention the evidence you found which proves that he's on the level. Why shouldn't I trust him?"

"Trust is one thing." Scully paused, turning her head to look out her window. She took a deep breath and once more looked at her partner. "I just think it may be more than trust."

Krycek's eyes widened at Scully's words. It was almost as if they'd forgotten he was in the car with them, and he wasn't about to say a word in case they stopped talking so freely in front of him. Just what the hell had Mulder said or done to make Scully think he felt anything besides polite contempt for him? He wouldn't allow himself to be encouraged, especially if Scully was only reacting to what she may have perceived as a slight on Mulder's part when they had met up in the alley. In her mind, he thought, that incident had ended in Mulder choosing him over her. As these thoughts raced through his head, Krycek hadn't noticed that Mulder had yet to address Scully's assertion.

Seeing that she wasn't going to get any response from her partner, Scully turned her attention to Krycek.

"Well, what do you have to say about this?"

"About what?" Krycek asked, a little surprised that she'd even asked for his input.

"Weren't you listening?" she asked, impatiently. "Why are you and Mulder so cozy all of a sudden?"

Krycek raised an eyebrow. "Do you want me to tell you that we're fucking?" He felt an undeniable sense of smug satisfaction at seeing the contempt on her face shift quickly to shock and then cool composure. He also noticed Mulder shift in his seat but couldn't tell if it was in response to what he'd said or simply an attempt at getting comfortable.

"Don't worry, Scully," Krycek continued, "I don't think your partner has any interest in becoming that familiar with me." 

"Of course not. He's not a fool and would never get wrapped up with someone like you."

Krycek knew that Scully had no way of knowing how he felt about Mulder, but he could have sworn there was malice in her voice, as if she was aware that what she said would hurt him.

"Wouldn't be too good for his career, would it?" Krycek didn't want to give Scully any indication that, intentional or not, her words had reached their mark.

"No, it's not that. I just happen to know that Mulder's taste in men leans toward the decent and not the criminal."

"Would you mind not discussing my personal life as if I'm not here?" Mulder finally said. "None of this is relevant, and I would really appreciate it if you would both drop it." 

"I want you to understand that I don't mean either of you any harm," Krycek said, paying no attention to Scully's skeptical expression in order to steal a glimpse at Mulder.

"Why don't we discuss this later?" Mulder asked, addressing neither of them specifically. 

Scully started to answer but seemed to think better of it and faced forward again. 

"Um, not to spoil the mood," Krycek said carefully, "but would you mind stopping the car?"

"Not feeling so well?" Mulder asked

"Something like that."

Scully sneered in disbelief. "You didn't think we bought that car sickness thing, did you?" 

"Would you mind stopping at a gas station, or something?" Krycek asked, deliberately ignoring Scully.

Mulder studied the instrument panel. "We could use some gas." He looked at Scully. "You okay with stopping now?"

"Fine, Mulder."

They took the next exit and eventually pulled into a gas station. Once the car had come to a stop, Scully undid her seatbelt.

She opened her door. "I'll get the gas; you take care of him." 

Mulder raised his eyebrows and smiled at Scully, stopping short of saying 'Yes, ma'am,' and got out of the car. He walked around to Krycek's door and paused before opening it. It was a reflex from years of not trusting him. Krycek had never given him reason to think he'd run, but still, a voice in the back of Mulder's head made him hesitate. Maybe it had nothing to do with Krycek being a flight risk. Not this time anyway. Finally he let Krycek out of the car and took hold of his arm.

"I'm not going to run," Krycek whispered.

"I know, but humor me, okay?" 

Mulder led Krycek inside and soon found the public restroom. The attendant took one look at the cuffs on Krycek's wrists, then stared at Mulder, wide-eyed.

"FBI," Mulder said flashing his badge, immediately seeing the shock on the attendant's face lessen. He wondered what she would have thought if he had taken a handcuffed man into the restroom with no explanation. In spite of himself, he smiled.

"What's so funny?" Krycek asked as they walked into the men's room.

"Just thinking about what people would think if I didn't show them my badge when I have a prisoner in tow."

"They'd probably just think you were kinky and about to get lucky. Then they'd probably call the cops." Krycek grinned, feeling slightly at ease for the first time that day.

Mulder was caught off guard by the change in Krycek's demeanor and felt his face redden.

"Are you still feeling sick?" he asked, attempting to regain his composure.

"I wasn't feeling sick." Krycek started to awkwardly unbutton his jeans.

Mulder saw what he was doing and panicked. "Whoa! What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Krycek looked puzzled for a second and then laughed. "If it's okay with you, I have to use the facilities." 

He sauntered over to a urinal and unzipped his jeans, still amused at the look of shock he'd seen on Mulder's face. He knew he was making Mulder nervous and took it as a good sign. 

"So, Mulder," Krycek said, not looking at the other man, but instead focusing a bit more intently than usual on the task at hand, "what's up with you and Scully?"

"Nothing, why?" Mulder was forcing himself to keep a polite distance from Krycek, fighting the urge to check him out.

"The two of you seem a bit tense. I hate to think I'm causing a rift between you."

"Don't flatter yourself."

"I'm just commenting on what I heard. Scully doesn't think I'm good enough for you. You think she's jealous?"

Mulder scoffed. "Scully knows better than to be jealous of who I choose to see."

"So you think I *am* good enough for you."

"Yes. Wait... no," Mulder said, flustered. "You're good enough for me, not that I...I didn't mean-"

Krycek finished relieving himself and turned toward Mulder as he tucked himself back into his jeans. He noticed Mulder's eyes dart downward then quickly refocus on his face.

"I know what you meant." Krycek walked past Mulder to the sink. "You mind turning on the water for me? Kinda hard to do anything right with these." He raised his cuffed wrists and shook them, the chain jangling.

"Sure," Mulder said, glad to have a distraction from what he'd just said. He watched as Krycek clumsily washed his hands, noting the stiffness of the left one. It was almost as if... 

"What are you staring at?" Krycek asked defensively. He knew damn well what had caught Mulder's eye. 

"Your hand. What's wrong with it?"

Krycek had no idea if Mulder ever found out what happened to him in Tunguska, and he hadn't gone out of his way to call attention to it. The expression on Mulder's face as he stared at the prosthetic told Krycek everything he needed to know.

"It's a souvenir from Russia." Krycek closed the distance between him and Mulder. "Would you like a closer look?"

"What...how?"

"You didn't happen to run into any one-armed men in the woods, did you?" He grabbed Mulder's left arm, running his bound hands up and down the sleeve of Mulder's coat. "Didn't think so."

"Oh, my god...when I saw the boy...his father had that knife..." Mulder pulled away as if Krycek had burned him. "My god."

Krycek saw genuine horror on Mulder's face and was stunned that there was also sympathy in his eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"When? The last time I had any contact with you, I was a little preoccupied with trying to get through that thick head of yours. Since that little meeting, I didn't see you again until after your release from the hospital."

"I saw you...in the stairwell at that college."

Krycek rolled is eyes. "Right, and I was supposed to stop, tell you my life story and move on?" He shook his head. "No, all I had time to do was call Fowley and go about my business. Well," he said, studying his left hand, "better late than never, I guess."

"How can you be so casual about it?"

His face hardened, eyes locking on the other man's. "Because it happened to *me*, Mulder. Because no one else will ever give a shit about what I went through, so why should I?"

Mulder felt a lump in his throat as he listened to Krycek. He didn't know half the things this man had been through, but whatever it was had toughened him to the point of complete apathy. There was a slight clenching in his stomach as he thought about the brief moment the night before when Krycek had let his guard down. Mulder knew that he had seen a glimpse of the real man and wondered if he would see it again. 

"Krycek, I never wanted anything like this to happen to you." Mulder placed a hand on Krycek's shoulder, seeing the other man flinch. He replayed every encounter he'd had with Krycek since their partnership had ended and couldn't blame him for his reaction to seeing a hand raised to him. "I'm...I want to..." He paused to collect his thoughts, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

Krycek felt as if his heart had stopped. Those were two words he had never expected to hear from Mulder, and he wasn't quite sure how to process them. For a moment, he suspected he hadn't heard correctly, but Mulder continued.

"No matter what you did to me, I had no right to hurt you that way."

"Mulder, you're scaring me." Krycek's voice was a half-whisper, rough and unsure. "Not sure if I understand this kinder, gentler you."

If the words had been said with Krycek's usual cockiness, Mulder would have felt affronted, but they weren't. Krycek looked confused and hopeful, and the combination touched something inside, something that had been stifled for a long time. Summoning up every ounce of courage he had, Mulder leaned forward and touched his mouth to Krycek's, lingering long enough to feel Krycek breathe in quickly then relax and return the kiss. He put his arms around him, trapping Krycek's cuffed hands between their chests.

"What are you doing?" Krycek asked under his breath.

"Do you trust me?" Mulder's lips brushed against Krycek's as he spoke in hushed tones as if afraid to startle either of them by speaking any louder.

Krycek nodded and parted his lips slightly, inviting Mulder to deepen the kiss. His head began to swim at the first taste of Mulder's tongue, hot and slightly salty, no doubt from the sunflower seeds on which he was always snacking. 

Their kiss was cautious and timid, as if afraid to express the degree to which each one wanted the other. Slowly, they began to grow a little bolder, exploring the warm recesses of each other's mouths, savoring the sweetness of their emerging lust. There was a thrilling desperation in the way tongues sought out, then retreated from, contact, the way sighs were swallowed before they fully came to life.

Krycek gasped as Mulder began to get more aggressive, holding him more tightly, increasing the intensity of the kiss until Krycek felt himself ready to surrender totally. When Mulder began kissing and licking along his jaw, biting the sensitive skin of his neck and throat, Krycek moved his hips forward, grinding his crotch against the growing erection he could feel through the thin wool of Mulder's trousers. Mulder slid his hands down to cup Krycek's ass, pulling him closer until the friction was almost too much to take. Krycek lowered his hands, his fingers grasping Mulder's belt.

"Help me get this undone," he said breathlessly.

Mulder released him and reached down to unbuckle his belt when there was a knock on the door.

"Mulder? Is everything okay in there?"

Both men cursed and looked at each other.

"Yeah, Scully. We'll be right out." Mulder's gaze didn't waver as he answered his partner. He closed in for one more kiss, his hand moving up to cradle the back of Krycek's head, pulling him as close as possible.

Krycek raised his hands, stroking Mulder's face as best he could with his impediments.

"We'd better get out there," Krycek said regretfully. 

Mulder signaled his agreement and once again took Krycek by the arm and led him out of the restroom. Scully was standing right outside the door and moved aside to let the two men walk past her. She followed them out to the car and watched as Mulder put Krycek in the back seat, on the driver's side this time. She waited for him to close Krycek's door.

"Mulder, are you all right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You look a little flustered."

Swallowing nervously, Mulder opened his door. "We talked about a few things. I guess I got a little upset."

"Do you want me to drive?"

"No, I'll be fine." Mulder got into the car, and Scully followed suit. The discussion was over.

Glancing in the rearview mirror and seeing green eyes still full of want staring at him, Mulder felt an exciting pull in his abdomen. He sent a silent message to Krycek before breaking the gaze, attempting to convey the very same need.

Krycek smiled briefly at what he saw in Mulder's eyes then turned away. It was going to be difficult to spend the rest of the trip craving something so close yet so out of reach.

~*~*~*~

The rest of the trip was uneventful, and very little was said. Occasionally, Mulder would look in the rearview mirror and catch Krycek looking at him, but they didn't say anything to each other. If Scully noticed the exchanges, she didn't comment on them. At one point, Krycek could have sworn he saw Scully lower her eyes to look at Mulder's crotch but decided he was probably being paranoid. Somehow, Krycek thought that if she *had* seen anything as obvious as Mulder's erection, she would have called them on it. Or maybe she'd wait to confront Mulder alone. Krycek started growing nervous that if she had the chance, she would talk Mulder out of whatever he was thinking. 

He pushed the invasive thoughts from his head, forcing himself to be encouraged by what had happened between them at the gas station. An image of Mulder writhing underneath him, completely uninhibited, flashed through Krycek's mind, and he felt a surge of blood to his groin. He moved in his seat, trying to get comfortable as his mind continued to play out various scenarios involving a naked, sweating Mulder. Distracted by the increasing tightness of his jeans, he almost didn't hear the question Scully asked Mulder.

"Mulder, why aren't you going to police headquarters? We need to book him and question him."

Krycek looked out the window and saw that Mulder was driving them to the Hoover. 

"I think we should question him first. We can do it in our office."

"May I ask why?"

"I think AD Skinner should be there. I already told you he was interested in what Krycek has to say."

"Why can't Skinner meet us at the police station?" Scully asked.

"Scully, I'm going to tell you something, and I want you to listen to me before you say anything."

Krycek closed his eyes and prayed that Mulder wasn't going to tell her what had happened in the men's room. He held his breath as Mulder started talking.

"You saw the file that Krycek had. If I'm still in danger, I think the best thing we can do is use what he knows to keep tabs on these people."

Stopping short of breathing a sigh of relief, Krycek relaxed and looked at Scully for any reaction. There was none.

"If we send him to prison, not only will he be useless to us, but he'll most likely be killed," Mulder continued. "I know you doubt him, but I believe that he can help us."

"Mulder, are you telling me you trust him?" Scully asked, her face still expressionless.

"If trusting him means I believe what's in that file, then yes, I do trust him." Mulder looked into the mirror and saw Krycek looking at Scully. He hoped Krycek believed him, and when their eyes met, there was no question that he did. "I'd like to think you'd agree that a potential threat to my life is worth Krycek not being sent to prison."

Scully sighed and didn't say anything for a few minutes. "I'll see what Skinner has to say about it, Mulder," she said, finally.

Krycek and Mulder both smiled at her response, neither knowing that Scully had noticed.

~*~*~*~

The conference room was cold, and Krycek shivered despite the leather jacket he was wearing. It had been decided that the interrogation would take place in a somewhat less distracting, more neutral zone than the basement office. As Krycek looked across the table at the three agents regarding him, Scully sitting directly opposite him, Skinner to her left and Mulder to her right, he had to make a concerted effort to not let his gaze linger for too long on his former partner.

"Are these necessary?" Krycek asked Skinner, indicating the handcuffs that were still clasped around his wrists.

"Agent Mulder," Skinner said, "would you please remove them?"

Mulder stood up and walked around the table. When he reached Krycek, key in hand, he smiled stiffly. Krycek raised his hands until they were level with Mulder's belt, almost touching him. His eyes wandered leisurely from his own hands, to the key, up over Mulder's body until he was gazing into a pair of guarded eyes. 

"Thank you."

Swallowing quickly, Mulder unlocked the cuffs, trying to quell the arousal Krycek was evoking with a mere glance and two simple words. He had a feeling Krycek was deliberately trying to coax that reaction from him.

"Don't thank me," he said for his colleagues' benefit. "I may be forced to use them later." The raised eyebrow suggested the latter statement was intended solely for Krycek. Mulder smirked at the flash of surprise he saw in the deep, green eyes and returned to his seat.

"Krycek," Skinner began, "Agent Mulder tells me he thinks you'd do more good as a free man. Would you care to inform us as to why that would be?"

Krycek cleared his throat and sat up, feeling as if he were before a parole board. 

"It's simple. I know everything about the men you are concerned about. I have ready access to their plans and certain methods of manipulation they might be employing to safeguard their success." He fixed Skinner with a knowing look before continuing. It didn't go unnoticed by Mulder who had no doubt what Krycek was referring to. "If I am allowed my freedom, I will work with you. I don't agree with what they're doing any more than you do."

"What exactly are they doing?" Scully asked.

Krycek folded his arms in front of him. "I won't give you any details until you let me go."

Scully frowned. "Then tell us why you contacted Agent Mulder after his hospitalization."

"I have reason to believe he is still in danger from the same men who were holding him. Since I don't want them to succeed in finishing what they started, I offered to protect Mulder from any future action against him." He smirked. "But why am I telling you this? You've seen that damn file. If you want Mulder dead, by all means, lock me up."

Skinner pursed his lips, obviously trying to keep his anger under wraps. "And you're the only one who can protect him?"

"Yes. I still have access to their plans as long as they don't find out I'm working against them. Until that time comes, I will help keep Mulder alive."

"Why?" This time Skinner furrowed his brow as he sought to understand Krycek's motivation.

"I told you. I don't agree with what they're doing."

"Are you telling me you have moral objections to these mysterious plans?" Scully scoffed. 

"I don't know why you're being so aloof about this, Scully. You've seen the evidence that what they are seeking to do is possible, yet you refuse to believe it. And, yes, I do have certain ethical concerns about what they are doing."

"Where were those ethics when my sister was killed?"

Cocking his head arrogantly, lips pursed, Krycek fixed Scully with an impatient frown.

"Are you going to bring up your abduction, as well?" 

"No, but you're making my argument for me. I don't want anyone here to forget what kind of man you really are."

Suddenly, Krycek slammed his hand down on the table, startling all three agents.

"Why the *fuck* can't you listen to what I'm saying? I'm talking about your partner's safety, and all you can do is drudge up things I was *forced* to do!" He made himself stop, attempting to bring his anger under control. Smiling ruefully, he shook his head. "I'm finally in a position to help you, and you won't accept it."

"I don't know exactly what you've done to Mulder to make him buy this new act, Krycek, but it's not working for me."

Mulder sat up at the mention of his name. "Scully, what are you implying?"

She looked at her partner. "I want to know what lies he told you."

Sighing wearily, Mulder ran a hand over his face as if to vanquish his sudden fatigue. "I told you everything he told me. It's the exact same thing he's saying now." He looked at Scully. "Why don't you believe him?"

"Maybe because I'm not-" She bit her lip and sat back in her chair.

"Not what?" Mulder raised his voice. 

Scully stared straight ahead, refusing to answer. Krycek tried to catch her eye, but she wouldn't meet his gaze.

"Tell me!" 

Taking a deep breath, Scully licked her lips and calmly looked at her partner.

"I think your judgment has been affected because you and Krycek are...involved." She looked down at her hands, nervously clasping and unclasping them.

Skinner looked at his agents then at Krycek, his face an expression of pure shock.

"Agent Mulder, is this true?" It was obvious to everyone in the room that the Assistant Director was struggling to control himself.

"Of course it's not true," Krycek said before Mulder could answer. He saw Mulder look at him in surprise but continued to speak. "I have absolutely no interest in Mulder other than how an alliance with him can best serve me. In this case, that means siding with him against a common enemy." 

Skinner looked relieved as he turned his attention to Mulder.

"Is this true, Agent Mulder?"

"Yes, sir." Mulder almost choked on the words, but no one noticed.

"Fine. Agent Scully, may I ask what made you come to this conclusion?"

"Respectfully, sir, that's not relevant now, is it? Excuse me." She stood up and walked quickly out of the room.

Mulder got up and followed her into the hall, ignoring the scowl on Skinner's face.

"Scully," he called after his partner as she walked toward the elevator. "Scully, please."

She stopped and turned around slowly, her face expressionless.

He caught up to her. "Scully, what is going on?"

"Mulder, don't lie to me anymore. I don't care what you do anymore, but, please, don't lie to me."

"What am I lying to you about?"

"Dammit, Mulder! I'm not an idiot." 

"I know you're not. I don't underst-"

"Mulder, I know that you and Krycek weren't fighting in the bathroom."

Mulder could hear his blood pounding in his ears. He knew there was no way she could have seen them, but he still panicked. He must have looked guilty because Scully shook her head sadly, and her eyes started to tear.

"I don't know how you could do that, Mulder."

Licking his lips, Mulder was aware that his mouth was suddenly dry. Fighting to maintain control, he wanted to find out exactly what she knew before he said anything to confirm her suspicions.

"Scully, what do you think I did?"

"God, Mulder, would you stop patronizing me? When you came out of the bathroom, it was obvious that something had happened."

"I told you. We had a fight."

She shook her head. "No, Mulder. You were...I could tell that you had..." She cleared her throat, obviously embarrassed. "It was evident that you were aroused."

Mulder's eyes opened wide. "Were you checking me out, Scully?" He asked the ridiculous question in the hopes of diffusing the situation, putting a humorous spin on it, but knew he'd failed when he caught the icy stare.

"Fuck you, Mulder."

"Scully, I can explain. It wasn't-"

"I don't want to hear anything else you have to say." She turned away from him and punched the down button to summon the elevator.

"Scully, listen to me. I...I was thinking about something and...that's all it was."

She spun around, eyes flashing. "Does that explain the red mark on Krycek's neck that mysteriously appeared when the two of you came out of there?"

Mulder swallowed nervously, not knowing what else to say to her. He didn't know why he kept denying it, but he didn't want her to hate him for what had happened.

Scully sneered, noting her partner's silence. "I didn't think you'd have a comeback for that."

The elevator doors opened, and she got in, not giving him a second look.

~*~*~*~

Skinner regarded Krycek, a stony expression on his face as he took in the smug smile the former agent was wearing.

"What are you doing, Krycek? Why Mulder?"

"I don't know what you're talking about...Walter. I'm merely trying to help save the life of one of your agents. I thought you'd be grateful." Krycek relished the visible hostility coming from the AD. They both knew that Krycek would be able to do whatever the hell he wanted as long as he held Skinner's life literally in the palm of his hand, but that wouldn't be necessary. Krycek really was determined to share whatever he knew, and for now that would be enough to keep him a free man. 

"Is Scully right? Is there something going on between the two of you?"

"I don't think that's any of your business." Krycek stood. "Now, if this little meeting is over, I'll be going." He paused. "Unless you have anything else to ask me." Skinner shook his head, defeated and angry. 

"Good. I'll be in contact with you next week." Krycek turned to go, then hesitated. "I really do want to work with you."

"You'd better. If you don't, we'll find you again and you'll be behind bars so fast your head will spin." Skinner's voice never rose above a throaty growl, but the hostility behind them echoed throughout the room.

"It's okay. You'll see. Bye, Walter." Krycek walked out and scanned the hall for any sign of Mulder. He saw him and Scully at the other end of the hall. It looked as if they were having a calm discussion, but Krycek could only imagine what words were being exchanged. He decided to get out of there as quickly as possible, slinking to the stairwell in order to leave undetected.

~*~*~*~

Mulder walked into the conference room and was surprised to see Skinner alone.

"Where's Krycek?"

"I let him go."

"Did he say where he was going?"

"Now that he knows he is no longer in danger of being brought in on charges, he is free to go wherever he pleases." Skinner stood. "But I will be hearing from him next week."

Mulder felt a knot of disappointment in his stomach despite the news that Krycek was free. He had been so sure that they'd be leaving together, but Krycek's disappearance indicated otherwise. Mulder felt sick at the thought that perhaps he'd been used to secure Krycek's freedom. If that were indeed the case, it was made even worse by the fact that Mulder's relationship with Scully had been forever changed. 

Mulder didn't feel angry with the knowledge that he had most likely lost Krycek. He simply felt hopeless and more than a little stupid. But Skinner had said Krycek would meet with him next week, so there was the chance he'd see him then. Not that he'd know what to say to him when he did see him.

"Sir, if there's nothing else..."

"No...go, Agent Mulder. I'll see you on Monday."

Mulder walked out of the room, down the hallway and took the elevator down to the parking garage. He felt a moment of excitement when he thought that Krycek was probably waiting for him in the car. Of course. He wouldn't want to make it obvious that they were leaving together. Mulder smiled and had to stop himself from running to his car.

Any hopes of seeing Krycek were dashed the second Mulder reached the vehicle. There was no sign of Krycek anywhere, no note indicating a meeting place...nothing. Mulder unlocked the driver's door and slumped into the seat. He was not going to let himself succumb to the hurt that was threatening to take over and chastised himself for being a fool. He told himself to buck up and be grateful there were some things that were meant to be. Krycek being a selfish asshole was one of them. 

He started the car, determined to go home and not give Krycek a second thought, but found it impossible as he replayed what happened at the gas station. Krycek had seemed so vulnerable, so in need of something that Mulder thought only he could give him. It couldn't have been a trick, could it? But, Mulder thought, that wouldn't explain Krycek's behavior the previous night when they'd been in his apartment and there hadn't been any danger of his being brought in on charges.

Mulder shook his head, unable to sort out the conflicting thoughts going through his head. It was then that he found himself taking a left when he should have taken a right, altering the route to his apartment until he was heading to Krycek's. 

Pulling up in front of the rundown building, Mulder told himself that Krycek was either bunking with a friend or holed up in a hotel somewhere. Still, Mulder couldn't help but watch the window to Krycek's apartment for any signs of life. He would give himself an hour, and then he would go home.

Two hours later, Mulder was still sitting in his car, feeling...he wasn't sure what to call what he was feeling. The idea of having any emotion for Krycek besides contempt would have been laughable before, but now the things were different. It wasn't love. Mulder knew he could never love anyone, but whatever it was felt close enough to love to scare the hell out of him. 

If Mulder had to put his finger on when it happened, it would have to be when they had been partners. He knew something had changed when he found himself looking forward to going to work to see his young partner. It had been more than being happy to work at his side or flattered by the compliments and obvious hero worship. There was a reciprocity of admiration that developed, and Mulder had to admit it wasn't purely professional. 

If Mulder hadn't been worried about the repercussions of becoming involved with his partner, he might have made a move towards something beyond friendship. He admitted that he also wasn't sure how Krycek would react to a come-on since the young agent had never given any indication that he was gay. The last thing Mulder wanted to do was make him uncomfortable or cause any misunderstanding that would have threatened the stellar partnership they'd developed. That had been the very least of Mulder's worries when he imagined a negative reaction from Krycek. The worst thing would have been if Krycek reported him for sexual harassment or some other godawful thing that would have ended up embarrassing the both of them.

So Mulder had forced himself to be content with working with him, harboring the kind of ridiculous crush he hadn't felt since high school, and looking for any sign that his feelings might be returned. When their partnership ended, Mulder had been devastated. He had felt betrayed, stupid, angry and hurt. It was the pain that had turned whatever fondness he'd had into a need to hurt Krycek back, to make him know exactly what it felt like to suffer a crushing blow. That was why every meeting since then had resulted in a furious hail of punches and insults. Krycek was paying the price for breaking his heart.

Mulder felt like an idiot finally admitting that to himself, but here he was again. When he'd thought that he would be able to put all of that shit behind him, Krycek had done it again. This time it was worse because Krycek had led him to believe that he felt something in return. Mulder knew that if Scully hadn't interrupted them, he would have shown Krycek exactly what he felt for him. He would have preferred more ideal circumstances, but the chance to finally have what he wanted would have been worth it. 

There was a part of him that wanted to believe Krycek hadn't planned this. He didn't want to think that Krycek had been devious enough to plan that far ahead, guaranteeing cooperation if the need should ever arise. It was an unpleasant thing to consider, but it was becoming more likely with every passing minute. If Krycek wanted to, he could have contacted him by now. Unless he was waiting for Mulder to call...Mulder pulled out his cell phone and punched in Krycek's number.

"We're sorry, the number you are calling has been disc-"

Mulder turned off the phone and started the car. He had the drive home to decide exactly what he'd do to Krycek the next time he saw him.

~*~*~*~

Glad to be home but weary from the emotionally draining day he'd had, Mulder walked into his apartment. He half expected to see Krycek sitting on the couch, a rakish grin on his face, but was greeted only by the ghostly glow of the fish tank. If Krycek had been there, Mulder would have been relieved and embarrassed for letting his imagination run wild. But he wasn't there, and all Mulder could do was accept the fact that it was looking more and more likely that he had indeed been fooled again.

He walked into the living room and checked his answering machine. Nothing. That meant that not even Scully had called. Oh god...Scully. Mulder knew he would have to do major damage control when he went into work on Monday. For now, however, all he wanted was a shower, a drink and to stop feeling like shit. Oh well, he thought to himself, two out of three ain't bad.

Shrugging out of his jacket, he began undressing on his way to the bathroom, leaving a trail of clothes behind him. He turned on the shower, letting the steam fill the room as he looked at himself in the mirror.

"Moron." 

Sighing, he stepped under the hot water, hoping to wash away some of the day's trials and clear his head. He wasn't counting on it, though.

Freshly showered and feeling only slightly better, he quickly toweled off and trudged to his bedroom in search of a pair of sweats to wear. He figured he might as well be comfortable if his plans for the evening consisted of getting drunk and watching some TV.

Switching on the light, the first thing he noticed was the pile of unfamiliar clothes on the bedroom floor. The next was someone asleep on his bed, wearing his clothes. Feeling like some deranged fairy tale character, Mulder walked towards the bed, his heart racing as he recognized who was sound asleep and currently clutching a pillow to his chest as if afraid to let go.

Every speck of anger he'd been feeling flowed out of him as he watched Krycek sleep. The beautiful face still wasn't completely unguarded but seemed so much more innocent. The long dark lashes sweeping his cheeks, the bowed mouth pouting slightly as he breathed deeply. Mulder reached out a tentative hand and stroked Krycek's cheek with the back of his fingers.

Like a shot, Krycek was up, his hand gripping Mulder's wrist.

"Whoa, it's me," Mulder said, releasing himself from Krycek's hold.

Krycek blinked a few times and glanced at the bedside clock.

"Mulder, where have you been? Did Skinner make you work late?" He paused. "You're naked."

Mulder blushed and got up quickly to find something to put on. Studying every inch of Mulder's trim body, Krycek watched him don a pair of sweats and smiled to himself. His smile grew as Mulder walked back to the bed, sitting down again. 

"Krycek, what are you doing here?"

His face fell. "You don't sound happy to see me. I can go. I'm sorry. I don't know why I came here." He started to get off the bed.

"Wait." This time Mulder grabbed Krycek's arm and made him sit down again. "I just wanted to know why you're here." He indicated Krycek's clothes. "And why are you wearing those?"

Krycek fingered the old T-shirt he had on. "I really needed a shower, and I didn't think you'd mind if I borrowed a couple of things." He looked at Mulder warily. "Was that okay?"

Mulder smiled. "It's fine. To be honest, I didn't think I was going to see you again."

"Why?"

"What you said to Skinner. It didn't sound too encouraging."

Rolling his eyes, Krycek shook his head. "You're an idiot, you know that? Did you really expect me to say anything that could potentially damage your relationship with your partner and your superior?"

"Well, no, but..." 

"I came here after I left the Hoover. I wanted to wait for you to get back so we could figure out what's happening here...with us. I didn't expect you to take so long, though. Guess I fell asleep," he said sheepishly. "So, where were you?"

"I went looking for you." 

Krycek quirked an eyebrow. "Why didn't you come here? Didn't you think I'd be waiting for you?"

Mulder sighed. "Honestly, no. When I got back to the conference room and you were gone....I feel like shit for saying this, but I thought you were up to your old tricks. I went to your place to see if you were there."

"You mean you were waiting outside that rat's nest this whole time?"

Mulder nodded, looking chagrined and feeling like a complete heel. He looked down, picking at the rumpled bedsheets.

"You still don't trust me, do you?"

"I thought I did, but...." Mulder looked up, expecting to see anger staring back at him. Instead he saw Krycek wearing a pained expression and felt even worse.

"I can't say I blame you. I haven't exactly given you cause to trust me in the past." Krycek took a deep breath before continuing. "All I can hope is that you can start trusting me now." He touched his hand to Mulder's face. "What can I do to help you, Mulder?"

As Mulder looked into Krycek's eyes, any lingering mistrust faded away, leaving behind the affection he'd fostered for so long. He still refused to call it love, knowing how brutal it could be for it to go unrequited. Knowing that Krycek would never love him, he would only allow himself to give as much as he received.

"Mulder, what are you thinking?" Krycek was concerned because Mulder was staring at him intently, not saying a word. If he could trust what he was seeing in Mulder's eyes, he didn't have any reason to worry, but he didn't know if he could entirely trust his perceptions. 

"Does it matter?"

"It does to me. I need to know if you're thinking about throwing me out on my ass or not." 

"I...that's the last thing I'd do."

"Then where are we? What happens now?"

Mulder licked his lips nervously, hesitating for a split second before leaning toward Krycek and kissing him roughly. Krycek grunted in surprise and found himself being pushed backwards. Mulder began vigorously pulling at the clothes Krycek was wearing and heard a tearing sound.

"Oh, sorry," he said quickly before attacking Krycek's neck, licking and biting the soap-scented skin.

"It's okay," Krycek murmured, "it's your shirt, remember?"

Mulder raised his head and started laughing. Krycek looked at him, a little puzzled at first, but then realized what had happened and joined in the laughter.

"Mulder," Krycek said, his eyes tearing, "how long has it been since you've had sex?"

"With someone else or by myself?" Mulder's question made both of them laugh even harder.

"Okay, you just answered my question." Krycek propped himself up. "I have a radical idea, Mulder."

"Tell me."

"We've been skirting this issue for almost seven years. I think we need to address it completely before we do anything else."

"Meaning..."

"Meaning we should put all our cards on the table."

"You want to *talk*?" Mulder asked incredulously.

"Yeah," Krycek said soberly. "Don't you?"

Mulder shrugged and reluctantly agreed. "I suppose we should. Do you think it'll help?" 

Krycek gave him a disbelieving look. "Could it possibly do any *more* damage?"

"I guess not." Mulder sat up. "You hungry?"

"Famished."

"Okay, I can call for a pizza or something. Any preferences?"

"You don't have to call out for anything. I'm sure you have something edible in your kitchen."

Mulder chuckled. "Pepperoni and mushroom okay?"

"Yeah, with extra cheese."

"You got it."

Krycek sat up as Mulder left the bedroom. He couldn't believe what was happening. He was in Mulder's apartment for no other reason than to be with him and actually felt good about it. Even so, it was a very odd position for him to be in, and he wondered if Mulder felt the same way.

Sighing, he decided to get up and walked into the living room. Mulder was on the phone ordering the pizza and looking through some papers on his desk, his back to Krycek. Waiting until Mulder hung up the phone, Krycek cleared his throat. He noticed Mulder jump a little before he turned around.

"Sorry, Mulder. I was wondering if I could get a drink."

"Oh, yeah...sure. Um, there should be some beer in the fridge."

"Actually, I'm in the mood for something a little stronger."

Mulder paused, thinking. "You know, there's gotta be something in one of the cabinets. You can just root around in there until you find something."

"Thanks." Krycek went into the kitchen, again struck by how strange it felt to be in Mulder's home acting as if they were a normal...he stopped short of the word 'couple.' They were simply two men who were going to end up in bed. All that would signify was a truce, nothing more. Not unless Mulder gave him some sign that there was indeed something more to it.

"Did you find anything?" Mulder yelled from the living room.

"Haven't started looking yet," Krycek replied, opening a cupboard door. All he saw were some cups and dishes, so he moved on, opening doors until he found a dark purple box. Grabbing it and a couple of glasses, he walked back into the living room to find Mulder was sitting on the couch, engaged in a quiet conversation on his cell phone. He looked up and saw Krycek.

"I'll just be a sec," he said, covering the mouthpiece.

Krycek set the glasses on the coffee table and opened the box. He took out the velvet pouch and pulled the bottle of scotch out, pouring two drinks. Handing one to Mulder, he took a seat next to him and slowly sipped the brown liquor, relaxing as the alcohol spread a comfortable warmth through his system. He sat back and closed his eyes, allowing both the scotch and Mulder's voice to soothe him.

"Okay," Mulder said, "that should be fine. I really appreciate your help with this. Uh huh. Great. Bye." He hung up and unceremoniously tossed the phone aside.

"Who was that?" Krycek asked, sleepily.

"Just someone helping me find a contact for a case." He took a small sip of his drink. "I had no idea this was in the apartment. It's good."

"Mmmm," Krycek said. "Very good. All of this is very good."

Mulder looked at the man sitting next to him and couldn't remember ever seeing him looking so at ease. His eyes were drawn to the almost angelic face beneath which he knew lurked the mind of a criminal. He wondered how many people had been lulled into a false sense of security because of that face, how many had never imagined what he'd be capable of doing to them if the occasion arose.

As he found himself focusing on the luscious mouth, he remembered why they were sitting there drinking instead of continuing what he'd tried to start in the bedroom.

"Alex," he said softly, "we need to talk."

Krycek's eyes opened quickly, and he turned his head to look at Mulder. 

"Say it again."

"What?"

"My name. Say it again."

Mulder smiled and moved closer to Krycek. "Alex," he paused, seeing the contented look on the other man's face, "you said we needed to talk. If we don't start soon, I'm going to be forced to make an executive decision."

"What would that be?"

"To make you get back in my bed so I can fuck you." He sipped his drink as if he'd just made a comment about the weather, but Krycek was suddenly watching him with a great deal of interest.

"Is that all you want from me? Is that what you want to get out of this whole thing?"

Mulder put his glass down and turned in his seat to completely face Krycek. "What are you getting at?"

Krycek looked at his drink, swirling the scotch around the glass. "If all you want is a fuck, I can do that. I just want to know where I stand."

"Alex..." Mulder reached out and turned Krycek's head toward him. "Isn't that all you want?"

There was a knock on the door before Krycek could answer. 

"Dammit," Mulder said, standing up and looking apologetically at Krycek. "Could you get the door? I'll get my wallet." He picked up his coat and started going through the pockets.

"Sure," Krycek said, getting up. He opened the door and almost slammed it shut when he saw Scully standing there. She was holding a pizza.

"Scully, does the FBI know you're moonlighting?"

She didn't answer, walking past him into the apartment. Noting Krycek's state of dress, she recognized the clothes but didn't comment on them. She also noticed the trail of clothes on the floor at the same time she saw what Mulder was wearing but still held her tongue.

"I caught the pizza guy before he knocked. I went ahead and paid for it since I was coming up here to see you," she said, answering Mulder's unvoiced questions.

"Oh, thanks. Let me pay you back," Mulder said, pulling out some money.

"Don't bother." She cast a disapproving look Krycek's way. "I've obviously interrupted something."

"No," Mulder said to Krycek's surprise, "don't go, Scully. We need to talk."

"Mulder, the last thing I want to do is talk about what you choose to do with your free time." Another icy glare in Krycek's direction. "Or with whom you choose to do it."

"Scully, we're just talking. Right, Alex?"

"Right...talking." Krycek shot a look back at Scully that matched hers in its contempt. "So, what do you want, Dana?"

"It's not really any of your concern, Krycek."

Krycek slammed the door closed and took the pizza from Scully before going into the living room. He gulped down his drink, wincing as it burned his throat, and poured himself another. Opening the pizza box but not feeling hungry anymore, he listened intently to the two agents talk.

"Scully, what *are* you doing here if you don't want to talk about me and Alex?"

Scully took a deep breath before answering. "Mulder, I wanted to apologize. I have no right to tell you how to live your life. However, I do have a right to make myself happy, and working with you while you're obviously involved with a man I can't..." She stopped as if regrouping her thoughts. "Mulder, I'm thinking about putting in for a transfer."

Mulder felt as if someone had punched him. Sure, he and Scully hadn't always agreed on everything, but she had always been there for him. If there was one thing he could count on, it was Scully, and now she was telling him that she wanted to leave of her own free will.

"Scully, please, you're still upset..."

"No, I've actually thought this through. If I do go, it may not be permanent, but for now I need to keep my options open." She looked down, almost as if she were ashamed of what she was going to say next. "It's unfair, and perhaps childish, but I wouldn't be any good to you if I don't trust you."

Krycek watched Mulder react to Scully's words, seeing a heartbreaking flood of anger and hurt cross his face at hearing what was probably the last thing he ever thought he would. At the risk of making things worse, Krycek wanted to go to him but stayed put.

"How can you say that to me?" Mulder asked, his voice quiet. "After everything...how can you not trust me because of who I'm in love with?" 

Mulder saw the shock on Scully's face and wondered why she was looking at him that way. When he replayed his last words in his head, he was surprised by how effortlessly they had flowed from his mouth. He was sure Scully wasn't the only one who'd heard them, and his suspicions would have been confirmed if he'd been able to see that Krycek was wearing the exact same expression as Scully.

"You love him?" Scully shook her head. "No, Mulder. That doesn't make any sense. I can almost understand you having a physical relationship, but...love?" She exhaled sharply. "I cannot understand you *loving* him."

"I don't know what to tell you."

"You don't think he actually loves you back, do you?"

Mulder hesitated. "I don't know." 

"Yeah, I do." 

Neither agent had noticed Krycek approach them, and they both looked at him in surprise.

"I don't believe you," Scully said.

"Dana, I don't give a shit what you think about this, but for Mulder's sake you need to either accept it, or get out." 

"Alex, don't..." Mulder reached for Krycek, but his hand was brushed away.

"No, I'm sick of her 'holier than thou' act." He stepped menacingly toward Scully. "You have no idea what I've been through for you and your partner. Yes, I've hurt both of you, and I know I can't do anything to change that, but what about what I'm trying to do now? What about what I've *done* for you? I've given you information; I've saved your lives; I've defied the men who want you dead..." He took an angry breath and let it out slowly, visibly trying to regain some control. "I've explained to you that I will not hurt Mulder. In fact, I'm doing everything I can to protect him, but you dismiss everything I say. It's no use. You hate me. That's fine, I can handle that. But now you're punishing Mulder because he wants to be with me. Well, I'm sorry. I don't plan on going anywhere, and if you have a problem with me loving him, maybe you should go."

Scully stared at Krycek, her eyes beginning to fill with tears as his words rained down on her in a barrage of controlled anger and frustration. When she saw that he was finished, she wiped her eyes and looked at Mulder.

"Aren't you going to say anything, Mulder?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"Why are you letting him speak to me that way?"

"Scully, I love you, but you have to understand-"

"I don't have to understand anything. And if you really cared about me, you'd..." Her voice trailed off.

"I'd what? What do you want?" Mulder reached for her hand but she pulled back.

Krycek gave a contemptuous snort. "She probably expects you to kick me out and beg her not to leave you."

"She wouldn't make me choose," Mulder said, looking from one to the other. "You wouldn't, would you, Scully?"

She shook her head. "There wouldn't be any point, Mulder. I know what your choice would be."

Smiling smugly, Krycek moved to put his arm around Mulder's waist and kissed his neck, lingering for Scully's benefit before addressing her. 

"If you don't mind, we were in the middle of something before you knocked. You seem to make a habit of interrupting us, Scully."

"Alex, please-" Mulder began to protest before he was cut off by a bruising kiss. He pushed Krycek away and wiped off his lips. "I need to talk to my partner."

"Excuse me?" Krycek asked, convinced he hadn't heard correctly.

Mulder looked at him sternly but took his hand, squeezing it reassuringly. "Wait for me in the bedroom, please."

"Mulder, I want to hear what you're-"

"Alex, either go to the bedroom or leave my apartment." His gaze never faltered as he watched Krycek battling to hold his tongue.

Uttering no word of argument, Krycek turned to go into the bedroom.

"Mulder, are you sure you want to do that?"

"What's that, Scully?"

"Trust him to be left alone." She didn't make any attempt to conceal her bitterness.

Mulder sighed. "Scully, I want you to know that you're one of the most important people in my life. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you, but-"

"Think about what you're saying, Mulder." 

"But," Mulder continued, "I've finally admitted something to myself." He took a deep breath before continuing. "I am in love with Alex. You'll never know how long I've felt this way, but I can assure you that it's been for some time."

"Please, Mulder...I don't want to hear anymore."

"You have to. I want you in my life, but if you feel that you can't work with me because of who I'm involved with, you can't be in it right now." He smiled sadly and cupped her face with his hands. "If you're upset enough to think about a transfer, then maybe we need some distance between us."

Her eyes searched his face for some indication that she could still make him change his mind.

"You'd really give up our relationship for him?"

"I'm not giving up. I'm giving you the chance to take some time and think about this." He stepped back as if allowing Scully the freedom to make her choice. "I love him, Scully. I'll never be able to explain it to your satisfaction, so I won't even try."

"Can you tell me something?" she asked, softly. "How long has it been going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"I assume tonight wasn't the first time the two of you..."

Mulder was uneasy with the personal nature of the inquiry but felt his partner deserved to know that he and Krycek hadn't been carrying on an illicit affair behind her back.

"We haven't actually gone that far," he said, blushing slightly. "But the night isn't over yet." He didn't know what made him say that. The only purpose the statement could serve would be to hurt her or, at the very least, make her uncomfortable.

"Oh," she said, feeling something between relief and surprise. "Be careful then."

"I will." Not knowing what to do with his suddenly restless hands, Mulder folded his arms in front of him. "Does this mean you'll reconsider?"

Scully stared at him long and hard before deciding the best way to answer.

"Because I respect you, I won't tell you exactly what I'm feeling. Suffice it to say, knowing that you and he haven't had...knowing things haven't progressed yet doesn't make me feel better. It's inevitable that you're going to do something I find morally reprehensible." She avoided Mulder's eyes, looking at the front door as if for a means of escape. "I don't know if I'll be able to face you knowing what you've done."

Mulder dropped his arms to his sides. "Reprehensible? I didn't think you had a problem with my sexuality, Scully. Is that what this is really about?"

She laughed harshly. "For god's sake, Mulder. This has nothing to do with your being gay, and you know that."

"Then what is it?"

"I don't know why you're playing dumb, but it's obvious, Mulder. Of all the men you could have chosen to be with, you've picked him." She pointed in the direction of the bedroom. "The one person who doesn't deserve to be loved by you, who doesn't deserve to be forgiven...you're going to become *intimate* with that son of a bitch, and you don't see anything wrong with it. *That* is what I find reprehensible. You're ready to dismiss *us* because you're thinking with your dick." Scully quickly lowered her eyes, a little embarrassed to have spoken her mind so bluntly. "I'm sorry, Mulder." 

"Scully, you don't have to apologize. You have every right to be upset, but I also have the right to live my life without your approval."

Her face was marred by disbelief as she stared at him. "Is that what you think I'm doing? Not giving my approval? Dammit, Mulder, I love you. I don't want you getting involved with something that could end up hurting you."

"Isn't that what life's all about, though, Scully?" He glanced at the bedroom. "I'll take my chances."

"I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore. I can't make you understand what I'm trying to say." She walked to the front door, looking at him sadly before opening it. "Goodbye, Mulder." The door closed quietly behind her.

~*~*~*~

Krycek was sitting on the edge of the bed when Mulder entered the bedroom. He stood up and crossed the room, unsure of what to do.

"I'm sorry. I should have kept my mouth shut."

"Probably, but it wouldn't have made a difference."

"What did she say?"

Mulder shook his head. "It doesn't matter."

"So what happens now?" Krycek asked, not knowing how vulnerable and endearing he looked.

"Good question."

The silence in the room was suddenly deafening as both men stared at each other, neither wanting to make the next move.

"You know," Krycek finally said, "if you meant what you said, you don't need anyone but me." Stepping closer to Mulder, putting his arms around him, he shyly nuzzled Mulder's neck. "Did you mean it when you said you loved me?" He raised his head when he didn't receive a reply. "Mulder?"

"Yeah, I meant it," Mulder said softly before covering Krycek's mouth with his own, kissing him fiercely as if afraid his answer wasn't proof enough of what he felt. Breaking the kiss, he was pleased to see that Krycek believed him. "Did you?" he asked, nipping at Krycek's jaw, waiting for an answer.

"I never say anything I don't mean." He pulled Mulder closer to him. "As for Scully, forget her. She'll never accept this no matter how much either of us tries to convince her otherwise."

"I don't care if she accepts it; I just want her to stay."

Krycek tried not to feel hurt by Mulder's words because he knew what he meant, but it still stung to hear. "Can we stop talking about Scully now?"

Mulder looked at Krycek curiously, unconsciously stepping out of Krycek's embrace. "You don't care that my best friend may cut me out of her life?"

"Of course I do. I care about how much it hurts you, but, honestly, I'm happy she's gone. You don't need her." He carefully took Mulder's hand. "I can make you forget all about her."

Slack-jawed, Mulder stared at Krycek. "You think sex is going to make everything better? Do you know what I've given up for you?"

"Sure I do. Thanks, I guess, but wouldn't a real friend give you a break?" 

Mulder tried to quell the anger growing inside him at Krycek's seeming insensitivity but was finding it harder to do the more Krycek spoke.

"Mulder, it's not the end of the world, you know."

"You don't get it, do you? I just-"

"Yes, I know," Krycek said, his voice low and vaguely threatening. "You're telling me about the trauma of losing Scully because of me." He grabbed Mulder roughly. "Do you want to risk losing me because you can't let it go? Do you even care?"

"Are you saying you want to leave?"

"Maybe."

"Great. Go." Mulder immediately regretted saying it when he saw the hurt look that crossed Krycek's face. "Alex, I'm sorry. I don't want to fight."

"I'm not so sure about that. Maybe that's all we can do." He walked over to where his clothes were piled on the floor and began picking them up. "I don't know why I thought this would work."

"You're really going? You're giving up just like that?"

Krycek threw the clothes back on the floor and turned to face Mulder. "I'm not giving up on anything. I just don't think either of us thought this through."

"But you said you loved me."

"I do," Krycek sighed. "I don't have anything in my life that means as much as you do. I haven't for a while now. But you have people who care about you and won't be happy if you're with me. I can't make you turn your back on them, and it's not fair for me to ask you to. You'll resent me for it...if you don't already." 

Krycek started to take off the clothes he'd borrowed when Mulder walked over to him, shaking his head. 

"I wouldn't resent you, Alex. It's my problem to deal with, not yours." He put his arms around Krycek's waist and pulled him forward. "Please stay."

Mulder's eyes locked onto Krycek's, and for a moment, Krycek was struck speechless by what he saw in them. It was more than need and lust he was seeing; it was genuine emotion. He couldn't remember a time he'd ever been with someone who had looked at him that way. It was enough to make him believe that there was something worthy in the world. It was almost enough to convince him that he deserved to be happy.

"Alex, are you all right?"

"Yes. Why?"

"You still look upset."

Unable to find the words to express what he was feeling, Krycek reached his hand up to stroke the side of Mulder's face. His fingers tentatively touched the rough stubble before trailing over Mulder's lips. His heart was pounding as Mulder held his hand there, kissing each fingertip before lowering it to the bulge that was steadily growing in his sweats. Krycek slipped his hand inside and closed his fingers around the erection, feeling it jump at his touch. He couldn't count the number of times he'd fantasized about what he would do to Mulder if they were ever in this situation, but he never dreamed it would actually happen.

"Alex..." Mulder whispered, pressing his forehead to Krycek's as the other man's hand began sliding up and down his cock, sending pulsing waves throughout his body with every stroke. He moved his hips into the sure grip as he sought out Krycek's mouth, sighing as they kissed deeply. Sparks coursing through his body with every move Krycek made, Mulder was afraid that if they continued, things would end before either of them wanted. He broke the kiss. "I think we should move to the bed."

Krycek nodded and relaxed his hold on Mulder. 

"Get undressed. I'll be right there." 

"What are you going to do?" Mulder asked, slipping out of his sweatpants.

"I brought condoms and lube. I wasn't sure you'd have any."

"Good idea," Mulder said, getting on the bed, stroking his cock slowly as he watched Krycek fumbling through the pockets of his leather jacket. Triumphantly holding up a few packets, Krycek faced Mulder. A quiet groan escaped his mouth at the sight of Mulder's hand moving over the hard shaft of his dick, his thumb smearing pre-cum over the glistening head.

Krycek threw the items on the bed and removed the sweats he was wearing. He joined Mulder on the bed and was about to kiss him, when he was stopped.

"What about your shirt?" Mulder asked, playing with the ripped hem.

"I...I prefer to leave it on," Krycek mumbled, suddenly uncomfortable.

"I don't care about your arm." He touched the prosthesis. "Do you want to take this off?"

"No," Krycek said tersely. "Not yet."

"Okay," Mulder said softly, "you don't have to." He took Krycek's hand and pulled him down to lie next to him. "I love you, Alex."

"I don't think you will ever be able to say that enough," Krycek said running his hand down Mulder's torso, once again grasping his straining erection. He leaned down and kissed a rosy nipple, biting it gently before moving to the other, sucking it eagerly as Mulder moaned and arched toward him.

"God, I've wanted you for so long," Krycek said, continuing his assault. 

"Come here," Mulder said, pulling Krycek up for a kiss. He plundered Krycek's mouth, not bothering to restrain himself as he hungrily fed on the luscious sweetness. There was no question about the need being mutual when Krycek matched the ferocity, bruising Mulder's lips until they were red and raw. 

When Mulder attempted to switch positions with Krycek, wanting to dominate him, they were soon a tangle of limbs. The kiss had turned into a battle of strength and control, grunts and violent shouts replacing the sighs, but Krycek fought to maintain his place, finally pinning Mulder's arms to the bed.

He grinned down at Mulder, breathing heavily, sweat dripping down his face.

"I win."

"You had the advantage," Mulder said, bucking his hips, trying to knock Krycek off of him.

"Oh no, you don't," Krycek laughed, moving quickly to straddle Mulder's waist. "I won. Now you have to give me whatever I want."

"Anything," Mulder said soberly, greedily eyeing Krycek's cock and wishing his hands were free.

Krycek was deathly serious when he spoke. "I want you to quit the FBI and abandon any dedication you have to upholding the law."

"What? You...I...that's..." Mulder began stuttering until he saw a twinkle in Krycek's eyes. "Fuck you," he said, relieved yet uncertain about how long before he would have taken Krycek up on his proposal.

"That'll work, too."

"You're willing to settle?"

"Just fuck me, Mulder," Krycek said, moving to lie down next to him. He playfully raised his ass, shamelessly making an offering of himself. "Unless you're too worn out."

Mulder immediately sat up at the taunting challenge and slapped Krycek's butt.

"Hey, we can do that later," Krycek said. "Right now I want your cock so far up my ass I can feel it in my throat." It was said matter-of-factly, the throaty growl almost conversational.

The words weren't lost on Mulder as he reached for the lube, his hands starting to shake in anticipation. He squeezed the tube too hard, squirting a dollop of gel onto Krycek's back.

"Shit! That's cold." 

"Sorry," Mulder said, scooping it up quickly and warming it before spreading Krycek's ass and inserting a trembling finger. Krycek immediately pushed back against him, welcoming the burning intrusion.

"It's okay, just do it," Krycek pleaded.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't...I don't care...it's okay..." Krycek continued uttering his reassurances as Mulder began fucking him with his finger, his words soon running together in an incomprehensible jumble.

Mulder's other hand moved under Krycek's shirt, the incredible heat seeming to burn his fingers.

"Come on, Mulder...do it...please..."

The urgency in Krycek's voice sent a jolt to Mulder's already aching cock, and he moved to grab a condom, tearing into the packet and removing it. He cursed when he dropped the prophylactic on the bed and made himself calm down before attempting to roll it onto his rigid penis.

"Mulder...what's taking so long?" 

"Come on, Alex...give me a break," Mulder said, moving behind his waiting lover. He ran his hand over the finely muscled ass before placing the tip of his cock to the puckered opening. 

"You sure you want this?" he asked, deliberately teasing the both of them.

"Don't make me hurt you," Krycek growled.

"Easy, lover..."

Krycek hissed through clenched teeth as Mulder began moving his hips, slowly sliding his cock into the tight, welcoming heat. Delicious fire burned Krycek to the core as his lover drove deeper and deeper into him. He was sure Mulder would rip him in two, rocking and thrusting with all the intensity of a man who was no longer in control.

"Ohh...god, Mulder...yeah, it's so fucking good...."

Mulder held tightly onto Krycek's hips, fingers digging into him as he continued to pound the gorgeous ass. He couldn't believe this was finally his. All of the waiting had been worth this moment in time, this moment of pure, pulsating energy and sensation.

He could hear Krycek crying his name, groaning with every thrust as both of them continued to climb to their ultimate release. All he wanted was to give himself completely to Krycek, to finally give him what he'd been only dreaming about for all these years. He closed his eyes, feeling himself quickly reach the brink of orgasm. He had just enough control left to slow his movements, pulling almost all the way out until only the glans was still enveloped in Krycek's heat. 

Krycek wriggled underneath him, and Mulder saw stars as the head of his penis was teased by the movements.

"Wh-why did you stop?" he asked, panting as he shamelessly drove himself back in an attempt to take more of Mulder inside him.

Mulder backed off, thwarting Krycek's actions, and withdrew completely, being careful to keep the condom in place. "I want you on your back...I want to see your face when I make you come." 

The words were barely out of Mulder's mouth before Krycek was on his back, legs spread and raised. His cock stood rigid against his belly, the pre-cum dripping from it leaving a sticky trail across his stomach as he moved to get comfortable. 

Mulder bent his head to lick Krycek's abdomen, savoring the musky saltiness of his lover before trailing gentle kisses along the shaft of the swollen member. 

"Mulder, please..." 

Mulder moved until he was almost lying on top of Krycek and leaned down to kiss him, re-entering the tight velvet of his body as he did. Krycek wrapped his legs around Mulder's waist and began thrusting upward to meet each push as Mulder plunged into him.

Thinking that he had never seen anything as beautiful as Krycek looked at that very moment, Mulder continued ravishing the lush mouth, biting the bottom lip until it threatened to start bleeding from the assault. His hand slid between their bodies, grasping Krycek's dick firmly.

"Mmmm...Mulder...." 

Krycek threw his head back, and Mulder immediately attacked the hot, glistening skin of his throat, biting and sucking as if expecting it to give him life. He began stroking Krycek, knowing that the two of them wouldn't last much longer as he felt the telltale tightness in his gut that signaled he was close to coming. 

Mulder could feel the fingers of Krycek's hand trying to entwine themselves in the hair at the nape of his neck, forcing Mulder to bite harder until this time he did draw blood. The hand then trailed down Mulder's back, caressing every inch of skin it touched before moving to cover Mulder's. The both of them stroked Krycek's dick until Mulder removed his hand in order to gain more leverage, fucking his lover harder.

Pulling out slightly then thrusting back into the warm depths, Mulder watched, fascinated as Krycek writhed beneath him, crying out his name and shouting curses in Russian. Mulder tensed before his last thrust then pushed in deep, coming harder than he ever had before. He knew he cried Krycek's name but was unaware of anything else he may have said as wave after wave of pleasure coursed through him. His body shook and trembled even as his orgasm abated, and he slumped against Krycek, once more claiming him in a kiss. As they sucked hungrily on each other's mouths, Mulder moved his hand to help Krycek jerk himself off. It didn't take long for him to come, his semen spurting over the both of them, his sweat-covered body shaking as he gave himself over completely.

The two of them lay unmoving for a few moments until Krycek shifted.

"I love you, but you're a little heavy." 

"Oh, sorry," Mulder mumbled and smiled as he moved off of his lover, subtly removing and tying off the condom before tossing it onto the floor beside the bed. If Krycek noticed, he didn't say anything, though Mulder thought he detected a smirk when Krycek turned onto his side to face him.

"Don't be sorry," Krycek whispered, settling against Mulder. "Do you believe me?"

"About what?"

"When I say I love you."

Mulder wrapped his arms around Krycek protectively and held him close. He kissed the upturned nose before answering.

"Yes, I do." He draped a leg over Krycek's hip, wanting to touch as much of him as possible as they lay there. "And you'd better believe *me* when I tell you I love you."

Krycek laughed. "And I thought I'd be the unromantic one in this relationship."

"I'm not being unromantic. I'm just stating a fact."

"Okay," Krycek said, moving a leg between Mulder's, "here's another fact." He slipped his arm around Mulder's waist until the two of them were as close as they could get. "I want to stay like this forever." As he said it, his stomach growled loudly, making both men laugh.

"I think your stomach is protesting," Mulder said, still laughing. "How about I bring you dinner in bed?"

"Okay. And get a washcloth while you're at it."

"Yes, sir. But you've got to let me go, first."

Krycek reluctantly disentangled himself from his lover and watched him get out of bed and walk to the bedroom door. He stopped and turned around.

"You *will* still be here when I get back, right?" he asked, grinning playfully.

"'Fraid so," Krycek said, stretching lazily, "once you feed me, you're stuck with me."

"I think I can handle that."

"You sure?"

Mulder's face grew somber, and Krycek felt a sharp stab of uncertainty in his gut. He was positive he hadn't said anything wrong, but the longer Mulder stared at him, the more uneasy he felt.

"Mulder?"

"Sorry," he said absently. "I just realized something."

"What?" Krycek asked, preparing himself for the worst.

Mulder walked back to the bed and sat down. "I don't want you to ever leave me." He placed a hand on Krycek's leg. "Think you can handle *that*?"

Relief washed over Krycek, and he decided he could finally stop questioning the way Mulder felt about him.

"Well?" 

Krycek sat up and gently brushed his lips over Mulder's. For now he would forget about the uncertainty that still lay before them. "It'll be the easiest thing I've ever done."

END 

  
Archived: July 04, 2001 


End file.
